Over the years I’ve made peace with the idea of being dev is somehow shameful and absolutely abnormal.
the underlying presumption here is disability is unwanted for the person who has it.
so compare with the example of French teacher or straight banker, the receiving ends of their affection obviously don’t object to being French or attractive women.
on the other hand, if we go down that road a bit further by saying someone is attracted to super skinny model body type, then it’s getting close to the dev thing. Because people generally don’t really want to starve themselves. And therefore you see such taste is also not proudly announced these days.
I’m not saying a dev pwd relationship is by default sinned
PWD don’t choose to be pwd and devs are not forcing anyone to voluntarily become disabled to satisfy our desire. So I’m okay with the idea of a PWD turn to dev if run out of non dev dating pool. I personally turn to AB guys when I can’t get any wheelers. It’s human nature to have priority and back ups. There’s no crime in wanting company.
but if the relationship is getting somewhere, I would ask myself if there’s a miracle cure and he walks and runs will I still want to be with this man? The answer should be yes to proceed.
Same to the PWD. If you don’t feel like being with this certain dev girl if you could walk again, then you are just happily exploiting each other (which is also totally fine as two consenting adults!)
no one is martyr or evil here. All I’m saying is just make sure both sides are on the same page if it’s heading serious direction.
You make some excellent, valid points. But here's the thing - I am not ashamed anymore. You don't have to be, either. It isn't shameful, it's beautiful, to see beauty and sexy-ness where other people might not. We are all miracles, all of us. I honestly love being a devotee. PWD exist, I didn't create them, and not all of them wish they were not disabled. Many people have had a disability since birth, and wouldn't want to change something so integral to who they are, and that has played such a big role in forming their worldview, personality, perspective, etc.
So, the crux of it is - Does a PWD love and accept themselves? If not, they will never love a devotee. (And I'm not talking about "would you take a magic cure if you could." One can love and accept themselves fully, and still want to take that magic cure if it were possible.)
I personally do not want to be someone's if-all-else-fails backup choice. I don't want to be with someone who has to figure out how to view me and my sexuality as tolerable or acceptable. I want to be a first choice, I want to be loved and celebrated the way I would love and celebrate my partner. I don't need some begrudging endorsement of devoteeism to feel validated. Let's revel and indulge in our uniqueness and idiosyncrasies together! I know what I am, I understand myself, and I'm very much done with justifying my existence. No one understands the complexity of human sexuality, and why such a wide and wild spectrum of attraction exists, not really. So, fuck all the judgment and negativity - let your light shine, ladies and gentlemen.
"You do not have to be good.
You do not have to walk on your knees
for a hundred miles through the desert repenting.
You only have to let the soft animal of your body
love what it loves.
Tell me about despair, yours, and I will tell you mine.
Meanwhile the world goes on.
Meanwhile the sun and the clear pebbles of the rain
are moving across the landscapes,
over the prairies and the deep trees,
the mountains and the rivers.
Meanwhile the wild geese, high in the clean blue air,
are heading home again.
Whoever you are, no matter how lonely,
the world offers itself to your imagination,
calls to you like the wild geese, harsh and exciting -
over and over announcing your place
in the family of things." -Mary Oliver
Edit - let your light shine anonymously if you wish. 😂😂😂 The world isn't ready for us, as evidenced by that first article. I don't want any devs fired from their jobs or made into pariahs out there in the real world. A girl's still gotta eat!