|
Post by MarineAmp on Jan 6, 2011 10:57:35 GMT -5
There is no way this movie is on t.v. yet, it is still playing in theaters. You probably just saw a commercial for it or maybe the making of it on HBO.
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Jan 5, 2011 13:06:42 GMT -5
In response to devogirl, I don't look at it as judging parents. I don't assume that parents are trying to do this to hinder their child. It just seems like that don't know any better, and in their own eyes they probably think they are protecting their child from the outside world. Or maybe it is just their life style.
I watch this show called wife swap now and then. I remember this one family that was on the show, and they liked to live as if they were in medieval time period. But they lived in a regular looking subdivision, and the dad had a regular 9-5 job to support this fantasy lifestyle. They had two kids a boy and girl ages 16 and 14 I would guess. Long story short, the new wife that came in made them become more social and put them in public school and the girl made a friend and the new wife had gotten the girl a cell phone because she was excited to have made her first friend. When she went to call her new friend she not only didn't know how to use the phone, but left a message that sounded like a 5 year old was telling her what to say.
Her father saw this conversation and as much as he wanted to deny that his children were fine, there was no way to defend his past actions and he saw that he couldn't shelter his kids the way he had previously.
This sheltering can happen to any kid growing up, and yes the parents aren't totally to blame, because the individual can take it upon themselves to overcome this, but when it's been ingrained since birth it makes it difficult.
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Jan 4, 2011 21:10:12 GMT -5
I figured I'd create a new thread, with nothing in particular to be discussed besides what is on my mind or whoever else wants to contribute at the time. Seeing how most threads go off topic anyways this seems like nothing really all that new. Actually that is kind of the point as to why I am doing this, so many things go off topic and I feel like there is nothing more I can contribute to a thread when that happens.
What's been on my mind the last couple of days has been the difference between congenital and non-congenital disabled people. Not sure if that is the proper way to say it, but I'm sure you get the point. Obviously anyone is more than welcome to contribute.
I don't have a ton of experience with people that have had their disability from birth or even a very young age. However I do have some and what I notice in some (not all) is how socially awkward and sheltered this group can be.
I recently helped coach a summer sports program for disabled kids ranging from the age of 8 to 21. I was one of two coaches in charge of the older, more able bodied group. I had boys and girls from the age of 15-21, and it shocked me to hear what the actual age of some of these kids were after I had gotten to know them. At first they all seemed to act around the age of 15, but I later found out some of them were in fact 21 and in their last year of eligibility for the camp. All of them were great kids, but I was surprised how extremely sheltered some appeared to be.
My wife likes to watch medical shows that have unusual conditions, and just about every time it is featuring a kid, the parents are there doing everything for the individual when I think they should be trying to get the kid to be more self-sufficient. Which is what I think happened to a lot of these kids I worked with.
This obviously isn't the case for every kid that has a congenital disability, because I've met paralympians and I've heard of plenty of other success stories.
I just think it is a shame that a kid who is born with or acquired a disability at a young age, aren't taught to be independent if they are physically and mentally able to do so. Sure it is most likely going to be tougher to accomplish than an able bodied child, but I believe it would definitely be for the best interest of the kid.
I have a cousin with CP, that wasn't really sheltered in that she never got out of the house, but sheltered in that she never did anything on her own. She's about 5 years younger than me, gets around mostly in manual wheelchair, but she's able to walk if it is convenient for her. To this day, she still doesn't have her driver's license, not because of ability, but being scared of something new that she has to do on her own. She also has an assistant that lives with her to do daily household stuff and help her run errands.
Before my injury I just figured this is how it is for the life of a disabled person, but after my injury I couldn't wait to finally be living on my own, cooking my own meals again, just being independent. Sure I needed help with some stuff, but I was eager to learn how to do a lot of this on my own. I think this drive for independence was never taught to some of these kids and they are living and going to live less fulfilling lives because of it.
This is just my opinion, and not intended to upset anyone. I'm curious to hear for the congenital guys in this group about how your parents raised you and if this was an issue for you or others that you know.
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Dec 24, 2010 16:21:30 GMT -5
That was an interesting article, and it reminds me of the myspace group I was apart of. That group was basically set up the exact opposite of this one. Mainly disabled females and devotee males. I think partly done that way because it was set up by a female amputee. I don't think I have ever had to defend devs from more angry disabled people, particularly women.
After reading that article, there was a lot more stuff she had to put up with as a disabled woman vs. what a disabled man has to put up with.
I think a lot of really good conversations could stem off of this.
I don't know how many male devs there are and what the percentage of "bad" male devs are, but I think that is another good example of a few bad apples potentially spoiling it for the rest.
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Dec 23, 2010 22:59:30 GMT -5
Do you do this to everyone? I think you would have made a good lawyer. The butt thing is just a metaphor that it seemed most people caught onto. I'm sure you caught onto it, but I think you enjoy playing devil's advocate. Yes, I do. I considered being a lawyer, but opted to go a different route. I'm not trying to play the devil's advocate. You compared being a dev to a standard attraction, and then followed that by saying it's just another attraction. I didn't agree. Over time when you start to understand devs and their attraction, you come to realize it is just a different type of attraction. I hope, that if you really thought I was trying to explain devness to you, that I would have used more than two sentences, and come up with a better analogy than comparing it to liking butts. I was trying to make a general statement to move onto my main point of having self confidence in yourself before being comfortable with someone finding your disability attractive. This was directed towards someone with very little to no understanding of devs. When I say "devness is another type of attraction", and then you say "no it's much much more than another type of attraction." To me that seems like because you said it louder that it makes you right and me wrong. Neither statement is wrong, and neither one is exactly right either. To be honest, to only use the word attraction isn't enough to define exactly what we are talking about. I think you make some very valid arguments on here, but I think this case since I wasn't directing this post to you, your response to a simply analogy, took what I said out of context to the main point I was getting to.
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Dec 23, 2010 14:23:30 GMT -5
Marineamp- You are comparing apples to oranges. They are nothing alike. One is a preference, the other an obsession. (okay, not obsession like a fatal attraction or anything... lol) but WAY WAY more than a preference. Some men prefer butts, some breasts, some long legs.... fine. I prefer manly men- tall, strong- but with a sweet smile. But when I am in that sexual mood- it MUST be a wheeler. In all my years I have never had an orgasm without thinking of a guy in a chair. At that moment I don't see the strong hands or sweet smile... just the sexual tension of the chair. They are two totally different things. I realize I speak for myself becuase there are girls on here who have had fulfilling sexual experiences outside of wheelers. I have not. I do think you are not alone in that thinking however. Honestly, for a while I wanted to justify my dev thoughts as my "preference." It somehow felt better. Less guilty. Less wrong. Something in society tells us it is wrong to have a fetish, especially about a disability. But I do. I have learned to acknowledge it, embrace it and I have never, ever been happier. In my life...... In all honestly trying to explain devness was not the point of my post. I just used a simple metaphor to eventually get to the main point of the post, and that is self confidence in a wheeler to be able to help accept a dev's attraction. That's all there was to it, hopefully we can put that to rest now.
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Dec 23, 2010 14:07:02 GMT -5
Well, Marine, ur definitely right on about the self-image thing. It's very true that if you don't love who/what you are, then it's much harder to let another person love you. Confidence goes a long way in every part of life, even AB friendships, but especially making a woman WANT you sexually. This 'overlook vs want chair' is interesting...not sure I've heard it worded on here before quite so clearly. I think it all comes own to the chemistry between the two people, but i'll say this, 'maybe with adev it might always be in back of your mind that she might run across another wheeldude that hits all the dev-particulars i've heard many females talk about on here. You know, the specific look, or thin legs, or extremely strong arms, etc. On the other hand, the non-dev might ignore the whole experience of being disabled, leaving u feel empty without a partner you can confide in about chair life. i've had the latter. I think you start to contradict yourself a little in this post. You seem to understand self confidence in the first paragraph and then you start to question yourself in the next. I think you're expressing fears in the second paragraph that almost anyone can and probably has experienced already. When you first start dating someone you should try to block out that stuff, because in all reality that is what dating is all about. Trying to find the right person for you, and not very many people ever get it right on the first attempt. However if those thoughts still persist deeper into a relationship, then it sounds like you have trust issues or maybe the other person really is looking for someone better. Either way something needs to be resolved. I think all of this holds true regardless if you're disabled or not. My wife and I go on quite a few trips, most of them are sports related, and we are around a bunch of other guys and girls with a wide range of disabilities, but at this point I really don't worry about her finding some newer hotter amputee. I don't think this is because of any one thing. We just have built up our trust that we have in each other over time.
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Dec 23, 2010 13:41:31 GMT -5
... the first thing I thought was, "Over time you start to understand devs, and you realize it's MUCH, MUCH MORE than just a different type of attraction." Do you do this to everyone? I think you would have made a good lawyer. The butt thing is just a metaphor that it seemed most people caught onto. I'm sure you caught onto it, but I think you enjoy playing devil's advocate. I'm not trying to say that a dev's attraction is simply another type of attraction, in fact that wasn't even the main point of the post. It had to deal with self confidence more than anything.
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Dec 22, 2010 17:57:08 GMT -5
Over time when you start to understand devs and their attraction, you come to realize it is just a different type of attraction. You wouldn't get mad at a girl if she told you she wanted to come up and talk to you because you had a nice butt. ... that's still a bad analogy. You didn't want to give a better analogy? I realize it isn't the same thing, even though I know about devs, if someone came up and said I think your amputations are sexy, I wouldn't be as flattered as her commenting on a physical attribute that most of society would consider flattering. A dev isn't going to explain their attraction to someone with a disability as easily as the AB population would be able to. It most definitely wouldn't be used as a pick up line either. In the big picture though, it is an attraction, and I believe that your own self image plays a major role in being able to accept whether or not someone else finds your disability attractive or not.
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Dec 21, 2010 18:40:26 GMT -5
I have to agree a lot with what Lavly is saying. Actually I understand where everyone is coming from on this. I use to be in a similar position as Misha is. I don't consider my self "so disabled", but my disability is known the moment you see me, being an amputee. I got back into the dating scene a little after a year from my injury. I slowly started having more and more success in that department as my confidence started coming back, but I was sometimes wondering why these women would want to date me, or what they were thinking as they were out with me. Are they ashamed or embarrassed to be seen with me? Are they just lonely and I am the only one willing to listen to them? My thoughts would sometimes run wild about stuff like that if I would let it.
When I look back, I have some suspicions that some of those girls were in fact devs that didn't say they were or even knew they were. But I didn't learn about devs until my now wife told me she was one, and I had to have her explain it to me, and she still is explaining parts of it from time to time.
Over time when you start to understand devs and their attraction, you come to realize it is just a different type of attraction. You wouldn't get mad at a girl if she told you she wanted to come up and talk to you because you had a nice butt.
The problem isn't the dev's attraction to your disability. It really comes down to your own view of your disability. If you have thoughts that you are no longer attractive or you think you're weak and pathetic, or whatever else that is dragging you down, then you aren't going to be comfortable with someone else seeing you as attractive. Sometimes the best cure for this is having someone else think you are attractive.
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Dec 19, 2010 13:25:23 GMT -5
I think I wouldn't mention it right then in person, but if you connect with someone, get their phone number and early on in the conversation I'd bring it up. Then go from there. Sure, that would be the plan. But you'd need to invest a lot more before facing rejection, which makes it harder. I'm not sure I know exactly what you're talking about by saying you need to invest a lot more before facing rejection. I would think you'd want to invest as little as possible before the chance of facing rejection. I feel bad for devs in the dating sense that you almost always will have to make the first move. I'm not saying wheelers won't ever make a move, but the chances of a wheeler making a move on a dev without them knowing they are a dev is pretty slim. Is facing rejection the biggest fear of coming out to a wheeler?
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Dec 18, 2010 12:59:30 GMT -5
Personally I want to see a cripple vs cripple fight scene. I feel like I regularly see amputee wrestlers who have a major strength advantage over the guys they wrestle because of weight class. I'd love to take on the DAK from that nike commercial.
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Dec 18, 2010 12:52:04 GMT -5
you do know that it's not JUST leggings w/tony...he sometimes wears these...hmm, i geuss you could call them 'hyper-shorts'. haha they're REALLY short...lots of long, bare quad leg. wooo! but, tony inspires me to be a BETTER CRIPPLE. yup that sums it up. If anything you guys should know by now that I am very thorough and I would have covered this issue. Just check out paragraph 7 the last line. It was quickly referenced as shorts the length that my wife wears. To be honest the only wheeler that can truly come close to pulling off shorts like that is me. Seeing how my underwear covers more leg than it doesn't. I can wear some running shorts and not have any skin showing. With that said, I still don't wear those out in public, at most I might go to the mailbox in them. Tony I still recommend side guards regardless of what you wear. You don't want to put a hole in those leggings do you?
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Dec 17, 2010 18:54:59 GMT -5
The big question is though...: Where is all that aggro coming from? And more importantly: Why now...? I believe I am to blame for this, I should have kept my mouth shut about Tony's fashion sense. What I initially saw as a well thought out post, and piece of advice should have stayed just that, a thought. I can't answer the why now part, because I don't think timing had anything to do with it besides my arrival and having too much time on my hands.
|
|
|
Post by MarineAmp on Dec 17, 2010 18:49:41 GMT -5
marines serve ABOARD ships...thus, they are squid. any Ranger will tell you that. but chill...i wasnt being all that serious. and you have my sincere thanks and respect for serving in the military, especially in time of war, especially in combat, and especially if you got your legs blown off...and that IS serious, and no bs. but still...your one of us now, dawg; a gimp i mean. if i think its a bit premature for you to start telling us how to live our lives, seeing as your new and all, i'll say so. and you might want to watch those threats to do me physical violence, tuff guy. I wanted to sit on this one before I responded, I probably should have done that on my last post as well. I know some Marines serve on ships. Further more the Marine Corps is a department of the Navy. Marines have plenty of nick names, squid however has never been one. Trust me I have some experience with this. Any Ranger wanting to test that theory risks ending up on their back as well (depending on the context that it was delivered). I don't want you to think of this as a threat, consider it a fair warning in case you or anyone else wants to test out that theory. I typically have pretty good restraint, but I can only vouch for my own actions and not that of others. I understand there are some little clicks in this group, and some of you are very protective of Tony. That's fine, I totally understand that. Here comes some guy who at first glance has just been in here for less than a week and is handing out unsolicited advice about wheelchair fashion sense. However it was only about fashion sense. Doe, I think you actually have it backwards about the whole weight on your shoulders thing. If you think about it carefully and read into what I was saying, it isn't Tony that is carrying the weight, it is everyone else that does have good fashion sense, a good attitude or whatever else that is carrying the weight. Now don't read too much into that one, I have only accused Tony of his fashion sense. We all know Tony is going to make up his own mind on these matters, and I'm not going to try and change his mind (or anyone else's for that matter) about any of this ever again. I've seen the consequences of that, and I would rather not travel down that road again. Hopefully in the near future we can joke around about this whole thing and not jump down each other's throats. I'm sure I'll probably make a joke about his leggings in the future, and you might crack a Marine joke. I promise that I won't over react, or react poorly about it, if it's all in good sport. So if we can make it official and bury the hatchet, I'm sure we can all feel better and the testosterone level will no longer be in the red zone. I must say, these past few my days my workouts have been pretty good. Some of these posts really helped me notch up the intensity and the weight I gained over Thanksgiving and sitting around being lazy the week after Thanksgiving has now been shed. And for that I am thankful. Sorry about the finger, I actually googled how to do that just for you. Learn something new everyday. Have a good one, and I'm sure we'll talk again in the near future.
|
|