...Tony's BLOG

[Pony]

hahaha yes, I've like to refer to it as "gray wolf," but it means the same - OLD! It took some getting used to, but I think I like it better now. I never thought I would let it go, but I guess the attitude changes with the years. Even my ideas about music have changed a lot, is it that funny? I still love music, but it doesn't mean the same to me anymore. And I'm not really ambitious to do anything like play out or record, or anything. I think writing has changed for me too. I don't have a need to tell anyone anything. I feel like I've done enough. I have found that as I have gotten older my ideas of relationships have changed. I don't need, nor do I want a real relationship that is binding. I honestly have too many problems these days. Since I have been on here I have gone downhill somewhat. My spasms have increased in intensity and frequency. I'm truly addicted the muscle relaxers because they make me feel normal. The spasms come with sweating and shaking and hurting. I feel trapped. On top of that, I suffer more from sores on my ass than I ever did. Remember, I have been a quad for 40 years, and I was so healthy 35+ years. I never really had problems with sores on my ass. But I do now, and I have changed cushions but still have the problems. It's like when I turn 60 things started falling apart. The hardest thing for me has been the mental part of it, trying to accept that I am just getting older and I have more to deal with. I must say I have some awesome friends, both online and off-line that have been very important to my attitude. I still have my love for life, sports, chicks and drinking. That's right I said drinking. I have taken up drinking for the past couple of years, not too much. But I think just right, a couple of hard stiff drinks in the afternoon to take the edge off and entertain my mind. I enjoy that time as an escape from reality, but also into a realm of thinking that is more fun. I remember cocaine! Oh yes, back in the day I love cocaine, the cocaine did not really like me. I cannot do it because my nose would just go crazy. However, it was a wonderful high. I was better at everything and in a better mood when I was on cocaine. But my damn nose cannot handle any of it, so I had to quit. I must say sometimes you have to give up things that you love, and sometimes you love things, and people, that you have to give up. I still love women to the fault of my own. But I do not pursue serious relationships anymore. That is over for me, I had enough. It's like a battle ground out there. I love sex! And I don't just mean the physical act, as i'm so limited now. I love sex of the mind and the pussy. Making the pussy cum is the touchdown, and I by vicariously feel that through her. Some of you will understand that, the most will not. There is no explaining that concept unless you already understand it.

I will close this by saying that everything is magnified when you are disabled. I wish I had never had this motherfucking accident, but I did. And it must be that I find my own direction through the jungle. It is my own private prison really. I hope that you understand. Please take my words with you, and try to live your own life with purpose. Great enjoyment!

[Pony]

blog

Something I deal with now that I never had to deal with before is extremely intense spasms, especially getting up and dressed and in my chair. They do not go away just because I hit the chair. After I get up I am shaking and spasming all over. My hands are clenched and I can barely do anything for an hour. I will usually take a muscle relaxer and wait for it to kick in, but it can take a while. In between any kind of movement can set my spasms off even more. This morning I was underneath my table and my leg spasmed very hard and kick the edge of the table. Immediately my knee started bleeding pretty bad. This has been happening to me over the past few years. Getting in bed or taking a shower means the same damn thing. My spasms absolutely go crazy. I know that my body is addicted to these fucking muscle relaxants, but there's nothing I can do. Without muscle relaxants my body goes crazy. It also includes sweating and shaking like hell. I never had this for most of my quad life, but after taking muscle relaxers for 10 years this is what I'm left with. My spasms absolutely drive me crazy, and I have to take so many of the damn muscle relaxants. I have yet to meet anyone that can tell me exactly what's going on. No doctors or other disabled people. I wish I knew

[Dr. BiPAP Sachin]

Hi from upstate New York, Pony. When I joined PD last year, I read through a few of your posts, but never got a chance to reach out since I was busy working on my PhD dissertation. It's great to see you back at PD and I'm glad to hear that you're hanging in there! Feel free to PM me if you ever want to chat.

- Doc

[Pony]

Nice to meet you brother!

It's kind of cold here in Florida today. I tried to sit in the sun, but fuck it, the wind was blowing and it was cold. So now I'm inside drinking a whiskey and Pepsi and watching YouTube. I vicariously live through some of these vloggrs from philippines. Also, I must say I am enjoying Russell Stover chocolates. My God, it is the small successes in life that make it all worth it. lol

[Pony]

I'm just going to lay things right out here. I'm a very sexual person, and it doesn't have to be in person. The fact is. If you make a girls pussy cum, or feel hot, there is great satisfaction in the mind. For many years I had a lot of phone sex with girls, either in America, or other countries. It was very satisfying to me sexually, or mentally. Even at my older age now I still love that satisfaction of making pussy hot. Please excuse my openness, but it's the only way to say it. Remember, I do not feel anything below my collarbone. There is no hard dick. It is all mental. But I have this incredible love for female. And that does not go away after you are paralyzed.

[Pony]

bLOG Quad Times!

First, thanks Dr Sachin for the welcome-back! I'm super curious what you will be specializing in as a doctor.

Every quad needs a buddy that can fix shit, and thank god, I've had a longtime friend that I hire to repair most things, or modify things. Lately, it was the foot pedal on my chair. My foot kept getting a sore on the bottom, and making me hurt. Despite not having sensation, there was pain that came out in other ways. Building footplate, and now I don't have any problem. Also, I started sitting on a different question which raised me up higher by a fraction of an inch, but it was enough to fuck up me from getting underneath my sink to brush teeth. I've been having lots of trouble getting underneath and reaching everything anyway. Anyway, I had to move the sink up. Actually, we've had to move it up twice to make it really fit right. I finally have it now. This buddy of mine has always been there for me in 1 million ways, and I always make sure I pay him well because you never know when I'm going to really need him quickly.

I don't know how the rest of you quads make it financially, but I rent two rooms out in my house. That helps me a lot with monthly income, and since I paid my house off years ago I'm not hurting to make bills. One thing I'm very proud that I did years ago when I worked at Nielsen ratings was save money in the 401(k) plan. Most of that money is still there, although I have withdrawn a few times. But that's my back up plan for anything that goes wrong. The roommates can be a trip, but it has worked out.

Finally, I'd like to discuss the pandemic for a second. I know everyone is tired of hearing about it, including me. Being a quad, it would probably bring me down fast. My aid always wears a mask, and she puts one on me, but she follows none of the other rules about large gatherings or eating in restaurants. If I came down with it, I doubt she would even take care of me. So then I don't know what I would do. I have not been very fearful about this, but it is in the back of my mind all the time. I'm not exposed to a lot of people anymore, just a few friends that come over to watch football in my musician friends. And of course my roommates. I'd like to hear other quads ideas on this pandemic. Do you know of anyone that had it? How fearful are you? I got sick a few months ago and thought maybe I picked some of that Covid up because nothing tasted good and I had zero energy for anything. That lasted about a month. It didn't feel like a normal cold.

OK that's it for me. Thanks for reading.

[Inkdevil]

T to the P! Where the f*** have you been!!

I was quite worried about you, but the ladies assured me you were still posting somewhere online.

Sending big British hugs your way. Missed you and your posts x

[SouthernCalGal]

I'm glad to see you back.  I wondered what happened to you and if you were okay.  

[Pony]

Hey you guys thanks so much for missing me. Ha ha Ha. It's good to step away sometimes, it makes coming back even more appreciated. lol. Just called a Christmas present from me to you AND me! It's like coming back home after a long walk in the desert. OK, enough of these dumb metaphors. I hope everyone's been good so Santa can take care of you this year. I've been giving out money as gifts, but I do have to buy something at some point. Are used to be good at buying gifts for people, but I don't think I am anymore. And I never know what someone can buy me. I'm too picky for that. Someone did create some artificial flowers for me to put in my house, so I guess I'm starting to feel the spirit a little bit. It's supposed to be getting cold outside, but it's still hot in the house, so I'm wearing a tank top anyway. Hey it's Florida!

Besides dealing with the pandemic this year, I have let my hair go to the gray wolf style! I was scared at first, but now it feels very natural. I doubt I will ever diet again. You just get to a certain age where you don't give a fuck. And actually it looks good on me, so I worried for nothing. So on that note, "Merry Christmas you filthy animals!"

[jrm]

Love the gray, Tony! It is so much better than the fake looking black hair.

[Pony]

That's what I think now too, but I was seriously terrified to try it. Now I like it the way it is!

[lizzy]

Tony!!! You rock the grey! So good to see you back.

Grey / gray ? 😉

Merry Christmas from England xxx

[infinatedreams]

50 shades of quad ... devs xmas wishes have just come true

[Pony]

[Slinxter]

Dec 25, 2020 11:43:45 GMT -5 Pony said:

Excellent, a Holiday serenade! Hi, pleasure to make your acquaintance BTW. Hope you are having a better than average day!