Outing

[BA]

Here's the new thread.


I have never in my life "outed" myself to a wheeler until this board.

[Claire]

In my whole life I've only spoken out loud, face-to-face about devoteeism to one person...a special friend who also happens to be the first person I know in real life who I ever told about any of this, and the only wheeler I know in real life who knows all my secrets. I wrote a whole blog post about it.

[laurasweetou]

Tell more AB, I might need this for my date.

[faith]

None of my real friends nor family know. I mean you are all friends.. but those face-to-face friends!
I have been throwing around the idea of telling one however... but then I think why?
I'll let you know if I get up the nerve, and her response.

[Ciao Bella]

Until my partner came along, only cyberspace knew of my "devness". Still am a "closet dev" IRL. A wise dis guy told me once that there really is no need to "announce" what floats my boat, and I'm thinking maybe he's right. Nobody except myself has been stressing myself about how to tell people about my preferences. Just do it. Meet your man, go out with him, have a fantastic time! Nobody will come up to you and ask why you're with him. And if you think more about it, you won't go out with a jerk, regardless if he's a chair-user. So the fact that a dev pursues a relationship with a chair-user, means that he's probably a half-decent guy - the chair is always a bonus

Sorry for rambling, it's a bit early and haven't had my coffee yet

[BA]

I agree with the wise disabled guy. I don't see any need to announce it and I think after you've been in a relationship for awhile it becomes a bit of a mute topic.

[dolly]

isabelle said:

Until my partner came along, only cyberspace knew of my "devness". Still am a "closet dev" IRL. A wise dis guy told me once that there really is no need to "announce" what floats my boat, and I'm thinking maybe he's right. Nobody except myself has been stressing myself about how to tell people about my preferences. Just do it. Meet your man, go out with him, have a fantastic time! Nobody will come up to you and ask why you're with him. And if you think more about it, you won't go out with a jerk, regardless if he's a chair-user. So the fact that a dev pursues a relationship with a chair-user, means that he's probably a half-decent guy - the chair is always a bonus

this is pretty much the conclusion i've come to, also. thanks, isabelle.

oh, and thanks for starting this thread, AB.

[laurasweetou]

laurasweetou said:

Tell more AB, I might need this for my date.

Do I tell this wheeler or not? When? How?

[dolly]

has anyone not told and wished they did?

[dolly]

or did and wished they didn't?

[charlene]

I told my ex and the guy I dated before, who was in a wheelchair, too.

It was both releasing and surprising for me.
They never heard about devs before, but they were thrilled!

[medora]

I'd feel very bad if I was with a wheeler and wouldn't tell him. He should have the chance to know in what he is getting himself into. I mean if your boyfriends had some kind of paraphilia, you would want to know, right?

I told the only disabled guy (not a wheeler) I have been with from the beginning, and it wasn't a big deal at all. I also told some of my closest friends, and it wasn't a big deal for them either. I guess because I didn't post on the board I had to talk about it in real life

[charlene]

medora said:

I'd feel very bad if I was with a wheeler and wouldn't tell him. He should have the chance to know in what he is getting himself into. I mean if your boyfriends had some kind of paraphilia, you would want to know, right?

Absolutely!

[dolly]

medora said:

I'd feel very bad if I was with a wheeler and wouldn't tell him. He should have the chance to know in what he is getting himself into. I mean if your boyfriends had some kind of paraphilia, you would want to know, right?

see, that's exactly what i get hung up on in my train of thought.

on one hand i feel like it shouldn't be a big deal... like isabelle and AB were saying. because once i'm with a guy... it's truly just about being with that guy... who happens to be attractive to me for whatever reason.

but on the other hand... it kind of is a big deal. or might be. not only to the guy, but also maybe to me down the line. i'm a pretty upfront kinda gal and like to be open and honest. it's a defining character trait for me, and my devness is really the only place i really get stuck. i know when i've dated guys before i have felt a bit guilty and also sad that i felt i couldn't share my true feelings.

it would be nice to know for certain what to do in a broad context, but i'm not sure there is a right answer. i feel like if i knew for sure how to handle this aspect i might be less hesitant in "getting out there" and meeting a chair dude. it's definitely a psychological barrier for me.

thanks for your input, ladies! i hope people will continue to share their experiences with this.

[natasha]

Well Dolly, Ive dated a few guys and just with one I had a meaninful relationship(he was my boyfriend for almost 2 years). With him I always felt like I should of tell him, I know he had hes suspects because he knew of the other guys and he questioned me about it..But I never had the gut to be completely open with him because he didnt like Devs and he was kind of a judgamental person... So, thats why I didnt tell him..I wish I told him because it would of maked me feel better for sure, but it was so hard..even though I never did anything bad to him, just like the rest of us " I enjoyed a little bit to much watching him doing things"...thenn sometimes I thought he didnt need to know..it was confusing...

Now im getting to meet this guy in this website and Im very glad he knows since the beginning! its pretty cool