Outing

[dolly]

Jul 29, 2008 16:28:39 GMT -5 faith said:

I told my best friend. Yep... I did it.

It was hard to bring it up and I played it over in my mind how to "bring it up" but when I did it was no big deal to her.
She said (after she laughed) something like: "You're kidding. How do you know?" (I told her I always KNEW, but I learned on-line we are called "devotees" etc). After looking at me a bit strange she said, "you mean there are other people who feel the same?"...
I said yes. And she went on to the next topic! That was it. Nothing more.
We spent that day together and I did point out the little blue guy to her... she laughed.

One friend down.. dozens left to go. Not that everyone needs to know!

way to go, faith! (i just saw this post for the first time)

i still haven't told anyone. i doubt i ever will unless they come right out and ask. but i do think about "telling" a lot. i have a hunch that most of my friends wouldn't be surprised ... lol but i don't really care for it to become a regular topic of conversation or common knowledge, i guess. especially since i do know some wheelers in real life (who don't know about the dev thing).

has there been any further conversation with your friend about it? any regrets? feelings of relief?

[faith]

Hi Dolly- LOL.. we haven't really talked about it anymore although she did joke with me once about it.
I would tell others if the opportunity came around.

[dolly]

thanks, faith.

i'm glad it went so well. i appreciate you sharing your experience.

[honeycutle]

I don't know if I am a devo and I was introduced to the site by a wheeler with whom I started a friendship on the internet. The thing is I am considered an eccentric amongst family and friends because I do not allow anything to limit when meeting people.
The thing is I have found my feelings for the wheeler have grown but I am afraid to come out and say it because of the usual rejection thing. The other thing is he is not into a starting anything right now and I feel I cannot push him but I am aware that I cannot deny my feelings either.
In any case I would like to know where I can find out more info about how wheelers live so I can better understand the whole thing

[Samantha]

My advice would be to read the general board. It's pretty much a manual to the life and mind of wheelers, "how they live" varies a ton depending on their level of ability and other factors but they often post about interesting things they use and do in everyday life. I also found that chatting online with a variety of wheeler men helped me understand MY feelings about it while also being able to get their perspective. That's all I got though I’m still getting a feel for devoizm myself. Feel like the blind leading the blind.

[Neffie]

hey gals,

This is a good thread and it seems like everyone's airing a lot. I felt like that when I first came onto the site.
I guess I'm different in the way that I am REALLY open about pretty much everything. I don't know if that's good or bad but I've always been like that.
This was the ONE thing I always hid and I think I felt shameful as a result.
I told people because it was a release. Ok I don't announce it and (as mentioned on another thread my parents are another matter!) but I'm ok with it and although I have told some friends others have guessed because when I talk about the wheeler I chat with and they bring up things that should be issues I shrug them off. I think they got the message and no one's freaked out.

It is different for me, I live a transient lifestyle, a lot of friends are in polygamous relationships with Arab men, I know women who are with men 40 yrs younger than them, I have a lot of gay friends and some wear drag. Liking guys in wheelchairs is pretty far down on the list of shocking things to be into!

[Emma]

I have always struggled with the issue of telling friends about being a devotee. Way back, 7 years or so ago I told an ex AB boyfriend and sort of regretted it. I also told my husband, a DAK amputee wheelchair user in our first chat. Other than that I haven't told anyone.

I dated one other guy with a disability (CP wheelchair user) so some friends once made comments that I like guys in chairs. At the time of the comments, I laughed it off and things ended there. I wish they had probed more but at the time I was not ready to share more. The fact that I haven't shared my devness with my close friends eats away at me at times. I feel like I am not being honest with them. I have decided that if anyone brings it up again I'll admit it and explain things, the problem is no one has brought it up. I can't figure out how to bring it up myself since it seems so far from their minds.

Oh and I have always told any disabled guy I got involved with about being a dev. Most guys are intrigued, interested and happy about it.

emma

[celesty]

Well, I haven't dated anyone disabled yet, so I haven't run into the "to tell or not to tell" situations. I figure I would feel bad if I kept something like that from a boyfriend, but then again it might be hard for him to understand and accept. But I'd probably end up telling him.

A couple of my close friends know, and they don't care or have forgotten about it. I told my mom, and she was a bit shocked. We watched Saved! together the next day. So she wasn't disappointed or anything. That was about a year ago. Honestly, I think she forgot all about it. (:

Edit: I also remember her telling me that it was just a phase. So now I'm pretty sure she thinks it's over, hehe.

[Neffie]

I'm all for 100% honesty.
I've told friends and my sister, no biggie.
My parents? Speak to me in a year!

[dolly]

i'm bringing this thread back up after seeing emma's post on 'this board is great' thread.

in the past half year i have told a handful of people, including two close friends. i have to say it feels good to not have to hide it with them anymore and to feel like they 'know me' in a truer way. they don't understand it in a way where i can talk in depth with them about it, but at least now i know if i see a wheeler of interest (lol) when i'm with them they can help a sister out.

for me, it was just time. i was tired of being 'in it' alone. and trying to keep my (albeit limited) encounters a secret. i want to be able to properly have a bit of girl-talk, if you know what i mean.

i didn't wait for it to come up... just blurted it out in the moment when it felt necessary. they were definitely caught off guard and were surprised...lol... but i think in the end the peices of the puzzle kind of clicked into place for them and started to make sense. they had the sense that something was up with me, just didn't know what exactly.

anyway, it was easier than i had anticipated it being. but i had to come to a place where the time was right for me. there are a few others i will likely tell when the opportunity presents itself.

still, it's other devs who truly understand...


(and i still haven't 'told' a wheeler)

[dolly]

ha. just realized the post i was referring to is actually in THIS thread.

[devogirl]

So true! Your friends will never bring it up. There will never be a perfect moment. You just have to come out with it.

[Inigo Montoya]

It's so awesome to be able to talk to your friends about it. But then, maybe I'm just very, very lucky in my friendships.

[Emma]

I finally did it, I "came out" to a friend while visiting her over the weekend. I didn't use the term dev but did explain some of the details. She asked a few questions, relevant ones and then the conversation moved on. I was really nervous but really wanted to tell someone and decided she was the one to tell first. Unfortunately, I left to go back home the next day so we didn't get much time together after she knew. I'm sure in the future I'll be glad I told her, I just don't see many immediate benefits since we don't live close together.

[Inigo Montoya]