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Post by jordan on Aug 6, 2012 19:16:24 GMT -5
this is a really long thread, and I hope to read the rest of it but for now since I'm new here I'll answer the OP's question and maybe read the rest of it some other time....
My disability is one that onset through a progressive condition, so I've had noticeable functional impairments since I was about 12. What a perfect age to start having those types of problems let me say lol
For me the net effect of my physical difficulties was to make me a sort of late bloomer... my parents were able to shelter me much longer than the typical teenager. So I didn't really discover the types of fun young folks can enjoy such as drinking, partying etc. until I was in college. Even then, I was pretty psychologically stunted by the circumstances of growing up, so I didn't really break out of my shell and learn how to enjoy myself properly until it was pretty much too late. I was well into my senior year of college before I was meeting quality friends and having the type of social life I wanted.
I had my first girlfriend when I was 22, and it didn't go well even though I stayed with her for 4 years, it was an emotionally and sexually unsatisfying relationship, mostly because of her issues not mine. I've still never had another one but while I was with her I also had my first real job after college, and I figured out what I really want out of life.
So I'd say I'm pretty well-adjusted, it's been a hard road to get to this point but I'm finally making good friends, having true fun and touching pretty close to the possibility of finding compatible women once again. I have to say it feels pretty good to be where I am in my life and where I'll be heading shortly.
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Post by rebel6842 on Aug 9, 2014 23:00:27 GMT -5
The phrase "well adjusted" essentially means to me: "Be happy with where you are, but not content" Like some of you here, I've had to deal with the disability since birth. And yes, it sucks sometimes, but what's the alternative? I'm not the person I want to be-but I'm trying to get there, and that's the important thing.
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Post by Emma on Aug 10, 2014 0:27:27 GMT -5
What happened to rivalcycle?
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cripman33
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Post by cripman33 on Apr 13, 2020 12:47:12 GMT -5
The phrase "well adjusted" essentially means to me: "Be happy with where you are, but not content" Like some of you here, I've had to deal with the disability since birth. And yes, it sucks sometimes, but what's the alternative? I'm not the person I want to be-but I'm trying to get there, and that's the important thing. I really like this response (I'm also lowkey trying to bump this thread).
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Post by lizzy on Apr 13, 2020 19:43:43 GMT -5
One of my favourite threads. Thanks for bumping it cripman33Hoping some newer members might contribute
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Post by Ackrin on May 8, 2020 2:14:25 GMT -5
It'll be 23 years post accident in June for me. I adjusted fairly well after my accident once I was off the vent. I was born visually impaired so I had already had a disability begin with. I think that helped me cope somewhat. I was already used to making adjustments to doing things to get through life. I was also already used to getting shit from kids at school. So that wasn't much of a change either. Luckily I'm told I'm extremely good with people so I had, have made, and still have a pretty good group close friends who were able look past the chair and see me. as a human being rather than then a crippled guy in a chair
I've always tried to look at the positives that have happened in my life since I became a quad. I've done some things and met some amazing people that I don't think I would have otherwise. I wouldn't give up wouldn't give up any of that up. Would it have been nice had I turned slightly and maybe been a para instead? Yeah, but again there's there's a chance I would have missed everything I've done so far.
I'm having a harder time now than I did then. Now that I'm getting close to my 40s. I'm having back and arm problems. It's harder to get up in my chair for longer periods. So life feels more isolated especially since there's nothing to do where I currently live. I'm getting to get a chance to meet people is rare. All that crap lumped together definitely cause some issues. But I'm trying to work through it.
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unitoquad
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Post by unitoquad on May 8, 2020 19:15:01 GMT -5
One of my favourite threads. Thanks for bumping it cripman33 Hoping some newer members might contribute Well since it got bumped and I'm new. I figure I can try and fulfill your hope. My first few years I struggled internally and externally with my unnatural nature. I considered my SCI as a rebirth. I ended up having a tracheostomy for over a month of my rehabilitation because they couldn't get me off the ventilator. Relearning to breathe was such a strange process kinda like learning to ride a bike it was all about doing. I accepted a majority of the paralysis right away without much thought, but really desired to regain full finger movement. I tried every day to move them but only got a flicker back. I started school a week after leaving rehab, and was constantly shitting and pissing my pants during my last two years of high-school (great excuse to leave class BTW). Luckily though I had a strong support system both friends and family wise who jumped through hoops to help me feel comfortable around them. Maybe too comfortable, I could shit or piss my pants in front of the class and wasn't embarrassed about it and would be cracking jokes about it a few minutes later (could've been the Percocet talking). The most frustrating part of my SCI to deal with externally was that I was unable to masturbate or play my favorite video games (two of my all-time favorite past times). Eventually I found a few games I could play competitively with friends and I basically gave up on pleasuring myself. Internally I struggled with thoughts of ever being able to please a women and having to rely on others to get dressed, go to bed, and go to different places. A decade later none of these internal and external issues bother me. I just roll with the punches as they came. When I had a PE I pushed three miles to the closest ER without second thought. I figured worst case scenario I'd have to call an ambulance in the middle of my trek. I was always attempting to be as independent as possible and hated asking for help. I enjoyed the art of solving problems my way: like knocking items off the top shelf, carrying a full cup of coffee on my lap inches from my crotch, wiping my own ass after an accident, dressing myself. Most the time these activities are just another game to me. More or less it was all an exercise in learning how to adjust my old lifestyle to my new nature. Some parts of my old lifestyle I had to say goodbye to (no more unicycling, going upstairs by myself, and sphincter control). Though due to my new nature there was things I learned to embrace (rolling in the street to surf the asphalt, using my mouth as a hand, and writing only in pen). My nature might be unnatural to others but to me it became ordinary. Socially before and after my SCI I was behind the curve, but I'm going to pin the blame on my childhood for that. Always easy to make friends but maintaining a healthy relationship doesn't come naturally to me. I know this is an issue though and have been working on it (many of my close friends understand this quality of mine and tolerate it for some odd reason). Definitely lacking in having relationships with women partly due to lack of experience and confidence. I have made strides in the confidence arena over the past couple years though. Now if only I could take a hint (I'm my own worst enemy sometimes). All in all I feel naturally comfortable in my current state and try to find new boundaries I can break for myself in day to day living.
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foundinthought
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Post by foundinthought on Jun 10, 2020 13:56:49 GMT -5
The wheelchair DOES keep me from doing what ever the hell I want. I was not built to be in a chair all day. I was born with a wanderlust. Even now I could pack a bag and leave my place and everything in it with a word. I've been off and on in a wheelchair throughout life, never permanently -- thought this may now be changing. But what you said rings true, disability does keep me from doing some things. I marvel (or despair) sometimes when I read so many profiles on dating sites from disabled people, often so much worse off than me, supposedly. But they almost all say "I'm cheerful, and I don't let anything slow me down. I don't let my disability get in the way of the things I like." For instance, I am really a nature person. Not sitting at the park, but, far in the howling wilderness, if I could. I wish I could have followed my dad on a week long hard and rough hike through the wilder parts of appalachian mountains. It was not crutch or wheelchair accessible, being hours or days or whatever from civilization. I don't know what to make of people who can honestly say that these conditions don't slow them down. So to stay on topic, in sum, I was born disabled, and I am absolutely not used to it. I grieve, shake my fist and the sky, and try to make the best of it, every day. But it slows me down and I am not perfectly well adjusted.
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jordy
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Post by jordy on Jun 13, 2020 9:30:36 GMT -5
I would consider myself “well adjusted” and I think it has a lot to do with my experiences in life. My mom has MS so I grew up with her being stubborn and not letting it really slow her down. My own complications started when I was 11 and progressed. Some things hit hard like my hearing loss, alopecia areata, and the loss of most function from T6 down (and all that comes with that). The hearing loss took a lot of time to adjust to and it was tough to get the programming adjustments for my hearing aids just right. Alopecia areata was no big deal and I would rather my immune system attack my hair than anything else. I actually didn’t mind my spots.
When I lost my mobility I just did what I needed to do. It does get frustrating and my doctors are still messing with some of the care task schedules and programs that I have to do and the meds associated with those. PT is fine, but I’m disappointed I have to do more OT. While some things are frustrating, I try to solve the issue and if I can’t actively do something about it, then I handle my emotions in a healthy way through one of my hobbies or by talking about what I feel.
Honestly, my professional experience has also helped me because now I give myself coping skills advice! Reframing how I thought of disability and dealing with my own ableism was vital. Finding loopholes for situations and looking for ways to make them accessible allowed me to do a lot more as well. Also important to me is having a sense of humor about the more annoying situations. Dropping things used to make me very upset, but a partner of mine got me to laugh about it by quietly saying “yeet” when i would drop or accidentally toss something due to muscle spasms or fatigue.
The things that still make me sad are times when I can’t complete paperwork or do activities I used to do like hiking, boating, or a local obstacle course that’s up in the trees. Running into accessibility issues also sucks. I try not to dwell on those and have instead look for recreational things I can do such as sled hockey, wheelchair lacrosse, paved trails, cycling... Although I do need to learn when to take breaks so I don’t work my body too hard to the point of injury. I was recently lectured about that by my OT (ooops).
I’m grateful for the experiences I have now and for all the great people I have been able to meet since my health hit the fan. I have some opportunities I wouldn’t have had if all this never happened.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Feb 15, 2021 14:24:53 GMT -5
Interesting question, Some days I hate it, other days I'm right as rain. I was born with CP, but it's never been something I've gotten used to. I'm a perfectionist, living in an imperfect body, so it's hard to imagine a greater contradiction of will vs ability. Feels like I'm living in a straight jacket some days. I can do many things but they're never quite "right", which can be maddening. It's certainly interesting, in any case. I'm positive it's made me a better person though, my brother's are awesome but we're all attractive. They're athletic and have had some womanizing in their past. I'd be similar if I wasn't so impacted with disability and struggle.
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alchemist
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Post by alchemist on Feb 21, 2021 17:09:08 GMT -5
I'm about 15 years into my disability now, it was extremely hard to adjust to my new reality.
Having to stop doing what I loved was a tough thing for me at age 19, it wasn't easy to watch everything I worked for get taken away or pass me by. I feel very fortunate to have lived even a little bit before becoming disabled though.
It was a challenging journey to explore new topics and remotivate myself, it is still a challenge every day, it can be hard remaining positive no matter what happens, but it is worth it, every day is easier when you embrace a positive attitude.
There is a lot to enjoy in this world though, and I still have a lot to offer this world.
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Post by atlwheelin on Mar 4, 2021 10:00:09 GMT -5
I’m another lifelong disabled guy, and I can echo the others that even knowing these are your limits from the start, all it takes is a small reminder from society to raise the bitter and envy we do our best to suppress daily.
Growing up, it honestly felt a lot easier. You’re forced by society to be included in public schools. For you video gamers out there, it’s a single player RPG. The story is great and immersive, but the path gives you all the tools at your disposal for success. The real world is an open world map with no boundaries and infinite random events at a given location at a given time.
So once I kinda finished up all my schooling and I got my own place, I felt at that time I was on the path I needed to be. What I didn’t consider was how accessible living on a college campus was compared to a rural area in the suburbs with no sidewalks. The longer I sit isolated, the more I get angry and bitter and the cycle starts itself up yet again. So, yes I’ve accepted this life, but I also spend way too much of it wishing I didn’t have to live it this way (and I’m aware that’s the source of my sickness allowing those thoughts. Easier said than done stopping/changing them)
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wheelsthrowaway1989
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Post by wheelsthrowaway1989 on Feb 13, 2023 22:02:36 GMT -5
I don't know about everyone else, but as a kid, I never really thought about it. It was so much easier. I was shy, sure. But I didn't struggle with confidence until my 20's when it was obvious it would be hard. I was never really normal or lived a normal life. I don't know if that makes it easier or harder.
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Post by Armus on Feb 14, 2023 17:50:55 GMT -5
I don't know about everyone else, but as a kid, I never really thought about it. It was so much easier. I was shy, sure. But I didn't struggle with confidence until my 20's when it was obvious it would be hard. I was never really normal or lived a normal life. I don't know if that makes it easier or harder. that's funny, i basically had the exact opposite experience. i severely struggled with confidence up until i was 19, especially in high school. all my friends were dating and/or banging each other and i couldn't get anyone to even vaguely consider me as a viable romantic or sexual option. i often say that i was extremely vulnerable at like 14-18 and that if incel forums were a thing back then, i could have turned into a real bitter piece of shit. but instead of that happening, i made a rad new friend at 19 that was quite flirty with me and after a month or two of regularly going to shows together or getting shithoused outside, she came over to my first apartment before i even had furniture and we wound up getting a bit drunk and having sex on the floor. literally the next day it was like i was a completely different person. i had the very sudden epiphany that while my disability is clearly a big obstacle, there absolutely are people out there that don't give a shit and think i'm cool and attractive enough to be down to bang. ever since then, whenever i care enough to actually try to meet people to date, i haven't had that much of an issue. i've found that as long as the other person is not an asshole, as long as i don't make a huge deal of my disability, neither will they.
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mellowcanuck
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Post by mellowcanuck on Feb 15, 2023 1:37:21 GMT -5
Thirty years later you'd think I'd have some sage advice. No, not really. I still fall for the same women I did before the wheelchair. The same type of women who don't go for guys in wheelchairs. I shut that shit down for a good decade. Tried again and same result lol. This time I'm not angry though. I most be a low-t mofo these days.
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