Is "nursing"/being a carer a important part of being a dev?

[Melina26]

I feel like I'm the type who likes having to assist him all the time. My boy is a C4, the C I always dreamed of haha and when I'm with him I have to do everything, usually feeding, giving him drinks, his medicines, opening doors...but funny thing is that I wish I could help more, bathing, dressing, but he doesn't let me do those yet sad dev haha I really enjoyed the one time I got to help to change his t-shirt and lift him on the lift to put him in bed. Guess he didn't like it cuz he never lets me do it again. It scares me a bit to think of being the sole responsible for his well being, but as long as we have carers for the serious stuff I'm ok.

[lilyinblossom]

Very important. In the beginning, my devness went from hemiplegia to spinal cord injury, low quadriplegia. However, there was something missing... until I realized that only high-level quadriplegia pressed ALL my buttons. Here I am talking about someone paralyzed from neck/shoulders down ( of course breathing independently). But it's someone who needs help to do pretty much everything. Since my devness is not only related to sexual interest but mainly romance, I always think about finding the perfect balance between being a lover and carer. The idea of sharing intimacy, romanticism, having him feeling comfortable with me around and doing his cares. Not caring of him as a regular nurse, someone paid to do it but as his partner, with love, enjoying our moments together as much as possible. But just to keep this away from stress, I wouldn't do that every single day but some days in the week. So, I would like him to have a caregiver coming regularly at least on busy days.

My daydream also includes a quad who has a very active professional life and is a high-tech guy that relies on technology to do a lot of things "independently". For me the contrast between a total paralyzed body with a smart mind is perfect. It keeps my devness high even if the guy needs help with literally everything.

[ichbin]

such an interesting revived old thread! love it! so interesting how we are all different in our devness.

for me: caring / helping is not part of my devness at all! I could not imagine having a partner who needs me assisting him all the time, would be a complete turn off for me.

[lilyinblossom]

Jan 26, 2023 2:00:06 GMT -5 ichbin said:

such an interesting revived old thread! love it! so interesting how we are all different in our devness.

for me: caring / helping is not part of my devness at all! I could not imagine having a partner who needs me assisting him all the time, would be a complete turn off for me.

I find fasicnating how we (devs) are so similar and different at the same time. When I joined PD I had no idea about it, my thoughts about being a dev were so generic and I would like to fit in. For me, the more dependency, the better and in the beginning, it was hard to admit my preference as I saw other devs saying how sexy an independent wheeler was. But that's the thing, imagine if all devs were into the same disability or limitation, it wouldn't be fair 😅