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Post by Nia on Mar 17, 2017 4:15:56 GMT -5
myrrh I hear you regarding the phases  When I discovered PD I was (or I thought I was) strictly amp dev. But then.. BUT THEN Then I figured that I am having a crush on a neighbor who is a para and not much after that I liked another para I still like LOL. So you never know... On the other topic (opening or not to your SO) I did that, then regretted a bit but after all I am happy I did that because we now share something very important for me. He was very open to the subject though... And it wasn't hard for me to tell him. He accepted it so well that I can say that he is the one who helped me to know this part of me, to explore etc. At some point he obviously become bored (and now when i look back I can't even blame him) so he stopped playing with me and participating and I was sad... Felt abandoned and disappointed... But now when I am in a slightly lower dev cycle I am again happy that he knows... So think again about sharing your kink with him.
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Post by lisa on Mar 17, 2017 11:03:36 GMT -5
I am often feeling alone as a dev as well. Not necessarily here on PD, but more in the real world. There are so few people who really get what it is like for me. I also don't have many disabled friends, so sometimes real life can be pretty lonely in that respect. It feels as if there is a part inside of me that wants to get all the attention possible, but in the end, it's just my brain who plays along with some devvy fantasies... myrrh, your dream reminds me of one of the few moment I felt some kind of connection. Yesterday I met a lesbian couple and talked to them a bit. Even though we didn't talk about anything remotely sexuality-related, I just felt for me as if there was an immediate connection. It's probably all in my head, but the knowledge that they, too, have to "fight" against the world for something they are and want to live... It's hard to describe. |
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Post by Emma on Mar 17, 2017 11:40:09 GMT -5
I also feel a connection to gay and lesbian people for the same reason Lisa! I know what you mean about feeling alone in the real world. Not sure how to change that. I just try and talk with devs as much as possible to alleviate it.
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Post by malibu on Mar 17, 2017 16:27:04 GMT -5
I too have more gay friends, seems easier to grow warm to each other. Tequila revelation evenings are much more fun, my straight friends tend to be more vanilla. But I also identified with the rejection part, most gay friends struggle(d) to be accepted by parents, mutual empathy happens. Back to the dev struggles topic, I must admit it's impossible to have nice toe nails! So tragic  but always bumping feet on the little wheels of the chair or the lift, especially painful because I love using flip flops all day |
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Post by Inkdevil on Mar 17, 2017 17:42:44 GMT -5
I feel like I'm completely cut off from the dev in me lately. It's horrible, because I blatantly AM still a dev. I'm not going to suddenly be cured of it, or any of that old bullshit. But I've been hurt/rejected/whatever by two PWDs in succession who I liked in different ways. One was a purely physical ideal, (lust which I thought was love) and one was a very strong emotional and intellectual ideal, with the physical attraction being strong, but secondary.
I dived straight in with them both and was let down in different, but hurtful ways. The mental pain was cumulative and lasting. I'm over them both now, but the experiences of last year have left me numb, unable to connect, unable to want to connect, unable to seek a new guy, or to enjoy the dev in me. I feel a little lost. It's like I'm having some kind of enduring out of body experience. I'm looking down at myself from above, watching me acting out being me, but my head's elsewhere. Very odd.
I don't know if I want to even date a PWD again, or anyone again. Sometimes I just want a hug without any ties. Sometimes I acutely miss having someone special in my life. But mostly I feel nothing. When I first discovered this place I felt so alive, so vibrant and multi-dimensional. My brain was full of questions and scenarios. I felt alive like I never had before. Now I just feel like I'm here in body, but not in mind. I feel like I can't go back to how I was before, but I can't move forward either. I'm just floating in suspended animation.
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Post by kat on Mar 18, 2017 2:17:10 GMT -5
I feel like I'm completely cut off from the dev in me lately. It's horrible, because I blatantly AM still a dev. I'm not going to suddenly be cured of it, or any of that old bullshit. But I've been hurt/rejected/whatever by two PWDs in succession who I liked in different ways. One was a purely physical ideal, (lust which I thought was love) and one was a very strong emotional and intellectual ideal, with the physical attraction being strong, but secondary. I dived straight in with them both and was let down in different, but hurtful ways. The mental pain was cumulative and lasting. I'm over them both now, but the experiences of last year have left me numb, unable to connect, unable to want to connect, unable to seek a new guy, or to enjoy the dev in me. I feel a little lost. It's like I'm having some kind of enduring out of body experience. I'm looking down at myself from above, watching me acting out being me, but my head's elsewhere. Very odd. I don't know if I want to even date a PWD again, or anyone again. Sometimes I just want a hug without any ties. Sometimes I acutely miss having someone special in my life. But mostly I feel nothing. When I first discovered this place I felt so alive, so vibrant and multi-dimensional. My brain was full of questions and scenarios. I felt alive like I never had before. Now I just feel like I'm here in body, but not in mind. I feel like I can't go back to how I was before, but I can't move forward either. I'm just floating in suspended animation. I'm sorry to hear you had those experiences. Being hurt can definitely affect how you view the world. But maybe being a dev doesn't need to be at the forefront right now? I've also had periods where I've felt a bit disconnected, more of a dev in theory than in practice. (It's a weird feeling when you suddenly realize you've 'forgotten' to fantasize, for weeks or months on end, about dev stuff, an activity that usually comes like second nature to me.) But usually there is eventually a buzz that brings things to life again, whether it's a guy, an experience, or just the passage of time. |
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Post by AlrightyAphrodite on Mar 18, 2017 8:09:49 GMT -5
Back to the dev struggles topic, I must admit it's impossible to have nice toe nails! So tragic but always bumping feet on the little wheels of the chair or the lift, especially painful because I love using flip flops all day Oh I feel you. Being a dev can be great fun but it is awful on your manicure! Transfers, wheels and hardware, etc...always end up chipping my tips! Can't have it all... |
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Mar 18, 2017 8:47:39 GMT -5
Back to the dev struggles topic, I must admit it's impossible to have nice toe nails! So tragic but always bumping feet on the little wheels of the chair or the lift, especially painful because I love using flip flops all day Oh I feel you. Being a dev can be great fun but it is awful on your manicure! Transfers, wheels and hardware, etc...always end up chipping my tips! Can't have it all... I don't know if you guys use top coat, but I can highly recommend it! I use "Seche Vite". My manicures have never lasted longer and what you describe has never been a problem for me. I swear this post is not sponsored!  |
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Post by newjess on Mar 18, 2017 17:04:34 GMT -5
I feel like I'm completely cut off from the dev in me lately. It's horrible, because I blatantly AM still a dev. I'm not going to suddenly be cured of it, or any of that old bullshit. But I've been hurt/rejected/whatever by two PWDs in succession who I liked in different ways. One was a purely physical ideal, (lust which I thought was love) and one was a very strong emotional and intellectual ideal, with the physical attraction being strong, but secondary. I dived straight in with them both and was let down in different, but hurtful ways. The mental pain was cumulative and lasting. I'm over them both now, but the experiences of last year have left me numb, unable to connect, unable to want to connect, unable to seek a new guy, or to enjoy the dev in me. I feel a little lost. It's like I'm having some kind of enduring out of body experience. I'm looking down at myself from above, watching me acting out being me, but my head's elsewhere. Very odd. I don't know if I want to even date a PWD again, or anyone again. Sometimes I just want a hug without any ties. Sometimes I acutely miss having someone special in my life. But mostly I feel nothing. When I first discovered this place I felt so alive, so vibrant and multi-dimensional. My brain was full of questions and scenarios. I felt alive like I never had before. Now I just feel like I'm here in body, but not in mind. I feel like I can't go back to how I was before, but I can't move forward either. I'm just floating in suspended animation. I'm so sorry you're going through this  As much as I want to come up with the perfect advice, I think this is one of those times that all I can say is that we love you and are here for you. You are an incredible woman, and someone who helped me early on with my devness probably without even knowing it. This life is so full of ebbs and flows... you went through something incredibly painful and I think it's understandable that you're feeling what you're feeling. Maybe right now, all you can really do is just "be" and try to get through everyday as best you can and try to trust that, in time, your inner dev will find it's way back to you <3 (I know that's easier said than done though ) |
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Post by kat on May 15, 2017 6:31:49 GMT -5
Current dev struggle: trying to date AB guys without success. Before this 'attempt', I was totally set out on only dating PWDs from now on. But it's just been so hard to meet anybody, so I kind of... caved. But there were just no feelings, no spark, etc.
If there's anything positive to come out of this, it's the (re)affirmation that I definitely am about 90% exclusive dev.
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Post by malibu on May 15, 2017 11:18:21 GMT -5
Current dev struggle: trying to date AB guys without success. Before this 'attempt', I was totally set out on only dating PWDs from now on. But it's just been so hard to meet anybody, so I kind of... caved. But there were just no feelings, no spark, etc. If there's anything positive to come out of this, it's the (re)affirmation that I definitely am about 90% exclusive dev. I know what you mean, I did not even bother trying to date ABs after finding PD...because it's sad to be with someone you're not very much into Hope you find someone you can have feelings for, no matter if AB or PWD we need sparkles. And butterflies. (Before PD I judged myself completely unable to deal with LDR but it's been great and thankfully soon to be less distant.) |
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Post by Deleted on May 15, 2017 12:33:05 GMT -5
@kat
I sometimes think about that, even if I would want to meet a dis guy I don't even know where to look. Here, on dating sites, travel around the world to the Paralympics??? LOL...it's not that there are lots of dis guys I find attractive and interesting wheeling around town and in everyday life the opportunities are so scarce...
Usually when I go to an event or something with many people gathering I always hope for at least someone nice to check out but even that is rare. I just had that happen recently. I'm at a soccer game in Seattle, the stadium is packed and people everywhere, we went in town first to eat, people everywhere but not one wheeler around...
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Post by lisa on May 16, 2017 13:20:58 GMT -5
It's the same over here! I'm living in a relatively big city and make my way through it every day due to work. I do see some disabled guys, but most of them aren't very interesting to me.
And kat, I used to have the same experience. I dated (too) many AB guys and it never worked out. Except once and that's the relationship I am in now. But since he is not your "ordinary AB guy", but has some struggles of his own, I guess my brain still somehow manages to put him into the devness drawer :-P. I still get that this situation can be very frustrating. :-( Don't fall into despair, there will be someone waiting for you :-). It's an important thing to know what you want in a potential partner, so you're already one step ahead of many others.
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Post by malibu on May 31, 2017 10:29:31 GMT -5
It made me smile when I read the boards are dominated by pwd threads recently. There's a particular guy I would love to be dominated by right now! My struggle is coming to terms with my devness in general as it is only recently been how I identify myself, but also that I'm falling for a para guy I met online... we've met a couple of times in real life for a drink and had a kiss and a cuddle. The whole way I look at the world is changing and it sounds daft but I'm constantly aware of how inaccessible the world is and I'm constantly fantasizing about him and what being with him will be like. I'm scared to take it to the next level because of how crap it might make the boring stuff at home feel like....not sure I'm making any sense but as a newbie here thought some more experienced ladies might have some sage advice. Failing that just some empathy would be great! Welcome to PD, it's always nice to have new members around! It's true we did not have many dev topics lately |
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Post by Deleted on May 31, 2017 19:48:21 GMT -5
LancslassMaybe you can post an intro in Personals or here so we can get to know you and your situation whatever you want to share, welcome though!
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When I discovered PD I was (or I thought I was) strictly amp dev. But then.. BUT THEN 
but always bumping feet on the little wheels of the chair or the lift, especially painful because I love using flip flops all day
As much as I want to come up with the perfect advice, I think this is one of those times that all I can say is that we love you and are here for you. You are an incredible woman, and someone who helped me early on with my devness probably without even knowing it. This life is so full of ebbs and flows... you went through something incredibly painful and I think it's understandable that you're feeling what you're feeling. Maybe right now, all you can really do is just "be" and try to get through everyday as best you can and try to trust that, in time, your inner dev will find it's way back to you <3 (I know that's easier said than done though 