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Post by kat on Mar 3, 2017 6:45:04 GMT -5
The boards have been a bit PWD-dominated lately, as well as being very quiet, so I thought it might be nice to try and get some more dev discussion going.
So, as the title says: What are your dev struggles lately? What dev-related problems, whether very lighthearted or serious, have you encountered? Has being a dev just been a nice, quiet background thing, or a more all-encompassing feature?
I've personally been mildly annoyed just by realizations of how differently I see people and the world as a dev. I constantly seem to encounter "standard" attitudes to PWDs in the world (ignorance, pity, etc), and it often makes me feel like I'm living on Planet Opposite. It's always such a stark reminder of being different. What about you guys?
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Post by lisa on Mar 3, 2017 11:29:00 GMT -5
Thanks for starting this thread, kat!
Just today I have been thinking about who I should bother with my current dev thoughts...
Anyway, I seem to have been in a "feeling of spring" mood during the past days. I don't even really know why (besides that spring is starting, obviously), because it's been ages since I felt an arousal this strong. And it's not just a common arousal, but clearly linked to dev thoughts. I even couldn't really concentrate at work because my thoughts kept going in sexual directions. I wonder what could have triggered it and what to do about it. I have been exposed to men that push my dev buttons more than usual during the past weeks, but I'm not sure that's even the real reason (which is probably impossible to determine). Usually I'm quite good at transferring these thoughts and feelings into my IRL relationship, but this time it seems to be very hard. Again, there are some possible reasons that come to my mind. Honestly, it started to bother me a little. Normally I can enjoy my dev feelings, maybe read a devvy story, watch some videos and go on with my life. I do not really like how it interferes with my everyday activities at the moment. But then, we know best that sexuality is hard to control by sheer will...
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Post by kat on Mar 3, 2017 11:47:41 GMT -5
Ah, that sounds tough. Trying to function properly during a strong dev high can definitely be a challenge. It seems weird to wish you for such potentially nice feelings to subside, but in this case, I hope your 'high' calms down to a more manageable level soon.
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Post by strawberrybubblegum on Mar 3, 2017 17:03:01 GMT -5
I'm going through an extreme low right now. I visited my bf for three weeks and after the first few days I wasn't in the mood at all anymore.
During the first year or so he used to "complain" I wanted too much sex, then it went to "normal" (whatever that is) and now he does because I don't want any at all anymore. I'm sure it'll get better again, but it's frustrating and who knows how long it'll last... I know this is normal in every relationship, but I honestly thought/hoped being in a dev/PWD relationship, this wouldn't happen so soon and also so drastically.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Mar 3, 2017 20:54:21 GMT -5
My devness just lingers around, somewhat quietly in the back of my mind. It's not bugging me too much at all and it's not taking over my life, it's also not gone away. It's always there but I somehow just live with it nowadays...
Usually my devness goes into overdrive when I maybe see a nice looking wheeler which happens very rarely. It's kind of good but also kind of sad, because it's far from a sexual overdrive but more of a total chaos in my head kind of overdrive.
In a way as much as I'd like it to happen I'm glad when I don't see anyone because it would send me spiraling downward and into a dark hole again.
Can't remember the last time I saw a good looking wheeler in the wild. I don't seek it out, I don't really look at stuff and so it just stays quiet. As my devness is not sexually driven or my sexuality is not driven by my devness I don't really need it to get me aroused.
I enjoy writing on the side and coming up with stories so that kind of fills the void for me.
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Post by kat on Mar 4, 2017 3:59:58 GMT -5
My struggle is that I have been a dev so long that it seems to take more and more to get me turned on. I'm scared that eventually nothing will do it for me. I'm going through an extreme low right now. I visited my bf for three weeks and after the first few days I wasn't in the mood at all anymore. During the first year or so he used to "complain" I wanted too much sex, then it went to "normal" (whatever that is) and now he does because I don't want any at all anymore. I'm sure it'll get better again, but it's frustrating and who knows how long it'll last... I know this is normal in every relationship, but I honestly thought/hoped being in a dev/PWD relationship, this wouldn't happen so soon and also so drastically. I think we all crave novelty, so it's only natural to need "more/different" over time to reach the same level of turn-on. annabelle, I'm interested what exactly you mean by needing more? And strawberrybubblegum, maybe it's time to try introducing something new/different in the bedroom? Of course, it's probably just the natural cycle of a new relationship, but trying to actively tackle the problem might be good. To be completely honest, though, I've also always assumed and hoped (having no experience in a long-term dev-PWD relationship) that the sex drive wouldn't go down so easily with a PWD. Wishful thinking, maybe  |
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greenbean
Full Member
That's not me, just a chick with a pigeon poopin on her head.
Posts: 219
Gender: Female
Dev Status: Devotee
Relationship Status: In a relationship
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Post by greenbean on Mar 4, 2017 19:55:41 GMT -5
In my early dev days, I usually thought about paras to get turned on and any old story would do it. Now everything is something I've already fantasized about and I'm sick of it. So it needs to be a different disability or a story that's much more unique. yesss. I was discussing this with my psychologist when I was perseverating over problems in my current relationship...she assured me that searching for novelty in sexual experiences/fantasies is super common. I do find though that I cycle through content a bit... stuff I found 4 years ago and forgot about can be exciting again. But I have found myself reading more deaf/blind lit which I never did before, among other things. |
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Post by devogirl on Mar 4, 2017 23:52:24 GMT -5
I have found myself reading more deaf/blind lit which I never did before, among other things. Right on greenbean! deaf/blind lit is where it's at Your observation about novelty is so true. That's why you can't watch the same porn twice, or read the same erotica, and get as big a thrill as the first time. When I was dating PWDs, the dev thrill inevitably faded, that's why it's so important to have a more solid basis to the relationship than just that. Annabelle, I totally get what you're saying, that happens to me too. My favorite mental reel gets worn out after a while, and it feels like nothing does it anymore. I find looking for some new smut that's related but slightly out of my usual realm can add some novelty. Deviantart has been my go-to for a long time, although you have to make an account to view the adult content. There are a ton of devs over there, although more men than women of course, and intersections with other kinks. |
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Post by Melina26 on Mar 5, 2017 18:09:38 GMT -5
I surely thought it would be easier to make people understand I like my bf the way he is, but rven after explaining to my family what a dev is they still have standard pitty behaviors and uninformed "you are in for a difficult life, you're an angel" perspectives.
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Post by Emma on Mar 6, 2017 15:55:25 GMT -5
This is a great thread. I often feel like I'm on planet opposite as well Kat especially when it comes to disability related things. It amazes me what people assume about my husband. It just boggles my mind when they think he needs me or someone else to help him all the time. I don't feel like they understand at all when I clarify and explain that he is independent. Throw in the fact that he is able to do what he needs and also take care of our kids on his own - I know there really is a different world people with disabilities and devs inhabit.
The issue of needing novelty is so interesting to me. Like you Greenbean I found that over the years I have cycled a bit, going back to old things. I do find that overall new, slightly different or totally different stuff is the best. I find the when you find collections of things made by other devs you often come across something out of your typical realm of searching and get exposure to potentially related but different enough to be interesting things. I have never looked at deviantart DG but I'll have to check it out. Do you have any tips or suggestions other than creating an acct? Conversations like these that really make me wonder about non-dev females and what they do when they get bored.
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Post by alexa2010 on Mar 7, 2017 1:44:06 GMT -5
Great thread. Thank you.
I mostly feel alone these days. As a dev I mean - not in general.
PD is male (pwd) dominated. No interesting topics any more.
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Post by kat on Mar 7, 2017 2:41:54 GMT -5
I surely thought it would be easier to make people understand I like my bf the way he is, but rven after explaining to my family what a dev is they still have standard pitty behaviors and uninformed "you are in for a difficult life, you're an angel" perspectives. It amazes me what people assume about my husband. It just boggles my mind when they think he needs me or someone else to help him all the time. I don't feel like they understand at all when I clarify and explain that he is independent. Throw in the fact that he is able to do what he needs and also take care of our kids on his own then I know there really is a different world people with disabilities and dev inhabit. Yeah, these are exactly the types of things I mean about seeing the world differently. It's frustrating! Often it seems it'd just be easier if you could make others see what you see. At least it seems like the perception of disability is slowly changing... veeery slowly. |
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Post by kat on Mar 7, 2017 2:46:33 GMT -5
I mostly feel alone these days. As a dev I mean - not in general. PD is male (pwd) dominated. No interesting topics any more. I agree. That's why it's been so nice to sort of "check in" with many of you and what you're going through in this thread. Helps remind you you're not alone. And it's so great to see the "Recent posts" page filled with awesome dev ladies for once, and not the usual barrage of intros and welcomes, etc.  |
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Post by Nia on Mar 17, 2017 4:15:56 GMT -5
myrrh I hear you regarding the phases When I discovered PD I was (or I thought I was) strictly amp dev. But then.. BUT THEN Then I figured that I am having a crush on a neighbor who is a para and not much after that I liked another para I still like LOL. So you never know... On the other topic (opening or not to your SO) I did that, then regretted a bit but after all I am happy I did that because we now share something very important for me. He was very open to the subject though... And it wasn't hard for me to tell him. He accepted it so well that I can say that he is the one who helped me to know this part of me, to explore etc. At some point he obviously become bored (and now when i look back I can't even blame him) so he stopped playing with me and participating and I was sad... Felt abandoned and disappointed... But now when I am in a slightly lower dev cycle I am again happy that he knows... So think again about sharing your kink with him.
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Post by lisa on Mar 17, 2017 11:03:36 GMT -5
I am often feeling alone as a dev as well. Not necessarily here on PD, but more in the real world. There are so few people who really get what it is like for me. I also don't have many disabled friends, so sometimes real life can be pretty lonely in that respect. It feels as if there is a part inside of me that wants to get all the attention possible, but in the end, it's just my brain who plays along with some devvy fantasies... myrrh, your dream reminds me of one of the few moment I felt some kind of connection. Yesterday I met a lesbian couple and talked to them a bit. Even though we didn't talk about anything remotely sexuality-related, I just felt for me as if there was an immediate connection. It's probably all in my head, but the knowledge that they, too, have to "fight" against the world for something they are and want to live... It's hard to describe. |
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