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Post by Braced4Impact on Sept 20, 2020 22:37:06 GMT -5
So, this popped in my head today after reading this thread. Do you think the person confused spinal bifida with schizophrenia? Both “S” Words, maybe unfamiliar with both, maybe confused them? Might be silly but just a thought... No. My assumption is that because it was a weekday and I had a day off, he assumed that my physical disability also meant I was unemployed. I honestly am not sure, maybe he just has no filter system or etiquette skills. Whatever the case may be, it wasn't a pleasant experience. The thing is, he didn't ask in like a rude or condescending way, but they were questions that I don't think are appropriate. Like I mentioned before, I don't really super "woke" about all things disabled. There are only two things that irritate me about AB's in the disability realm: parking in handicapped spots, and making baseless assumptions.
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Post by Mci on Sept 21, 2020 0:36:02 GMT -5
People assume all kinds of weird shit when it comes to disability, that’s why I prefer it when they ask questions (in a respectful way). I take it as a unique opportunity to change one or two things in their heads. But I also can see the point when you just want to mind your own business.
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Post by SouthernCalGal on Sept 21, 2020 14:46:34 GMT -5
So, this popped in my head today after reading this thread. Do you think the person confused spinal bifida with schizophrenia? Both “S” Words, maybe unfamiliar with both, maybe confused them? Might be silly but just a thought... No. My assumption is that because it was a weekday and I had a day off, he assumed that my physical disability also meant I was unemployed. I honestly am not sure, maybe he just has no filter system or etiquette skills. Whatever the case may be, it wasn't a pleasant experience. The thing is, he didn't ask in like a rude or condescending way, but they were questions that I don't think are appropriate. Like I mentioned before, I don't really super "woke" about all things disabled. There are only two things that irritate me about AB's in the disability realm: parking in handicapped spots, and making baseless assumptions. Got it Braced4Impact. Can I tell you as a dev what one thing irritates me about AB's? When they put shopping carts in the handicapped spots. One way to spot a dev - we're the ones moving those carts!!!
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Post by Braced4Impact on Sept 21, 2020 14:48:31 GMT -5
No. My assumption is that because it was a weekday and I had a day off, he assumed that my physical disability also meant I was unemployed. I honestly am not sure, maybe he just has no filter system or etiquette skills. Whatever the case may be, it wasn't a pleasant experience. The thing is, he didn't ask in like a rude or condescending way, but they were questions that I don't think are appropriate. Like I mentioned before, I don't really super "woke" about all things disabled. There are only two things that irritate me about AB's in the disability realm: parking in handicapped spots, and making baseless assumptions. Got it Braced4Impact . Can I tell you as a dev what one thing irritates me about AB's? When they put shopping carts in the handicapped spots. One way to spot a dev - we're the ones moving those carts!!! Well, I'm not going to start flirting with every woman who moves the cart out of the handicapped spot; some folks are just good Samaritans
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dev4ever
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Post by dev4ever on Sept 22, 2020 8:33:20 GMT -5
I assume that this discussion is related to a recent conflict within our community here. I think my experience with NVC (non violent communication) might contribute to some ease between us in cases of disagreement. Here are some basic rules used in NVC which might help us to avoid this type of conflict next time: 1. When a person tells us about an experience which was negative from their perspective we focus on their needs and feelings only, not on people they tell us about. Even if we disagree, we remember to hold space for a person in front of us first, except we don't feel resourceful enough and need to take care of ourselves first. If this is a case we inform them about it. 2. We ask them what can we do right now to support them and wait for their reply. If they don't want our support we respect their choice and offer to come to us later if they wish to. 3. We don't suggest any solutions or strategies until explicitly asked for them. If in doubt we ask if they would like suggestions or only a space to be listened to. 4. We don't use the situation to start talking about ourselves. Again, if in doubt ask if they want to know about our experiences or need more time to share their pain. 5. Wait until they tell you that they feel fully heard now. We can ask them if this is the case and encourage to continue if needed.
Those basic rules are not practiced often and most people are not even aware they exist. However, they make a big difference.
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Post by missparkle on Sept 22, 2020 9:58:56 GMT -5
I assume that this discussion is related to a recent conflict within our community here. I think my experience with NVC (non violent communication) might contribute to some ease between us in cases of disagreement. Here are some basic rules used in NVC which might help us to avoid this type of conflict next time: 1. When a person tells us about an experience which was negative from their perspective we focus on their needs and feelings only, not on people they tell us about. Even if we disagree, we remember to hold space for a person in front of us first, except we don't feel resourceful enough and need to take care of ourselves first. If this is a case we inform them about it. 2. We ask them what can we do right now to support them and wait for their reply. If they don't want our support we respect their choice and offer to come to us later if they wish to. 3. We don't suggest any solutions or strategies until explicitly asked for them. If in doubt we ask if they would like suggestions or only a space to be listened to. 4. We don't use the situation to start talking about ourselves. Again, if in doubt ask if they want to know about our experiences or need more time to share their pain. 5. Wait until they tell you that they feel fully heard now. We can ask them if this is the case and encourage to continue if needed. Those basic rules are not practiced often and most people are not even aware they exist. However, they make a big difference. All of this points make much sense, thank you. But I'm afraid if we'd stick strictly to these rules, many threads would be ended very quickly, don't you think?! 🙂 There would be 5 posts with "I feel for you" and that's about it. I always thought that point of threads on PD was respectful discussion and exchange of different perspectives.
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Post by vegmama on Sept 22, 2020 10:34:15 GMT -5
I assume that this discussion is related to a recent conflict within our community here. I think my experience with NVC (non violent communication) might contribute to some ease between us in cases of disagreement. Here are some basic rules used in NVC which might help us to avoid this type of conflict next time: 1. When a person tells us about an experience which was negative from their perspective we focus on their needs and feelings only, not on people they tell us about. Even if we disagree, we remember to hold space for a person in front of us first, except we don't feel resourceful enough and need to take care of ourselves first. If this is a case we inform them about it. 2. We ask them what can we do right now to support them and wait for their reply. If they don't want our support we respect their choice and offer to come to us later if they wish to. 3. We don't suggest any solutions or strategies until explicitly asked for them. If in doubt we ask if they would like suggestions or only a space to be listened to. 4. We don't use the situation to start talking about ourselves. Again, if in doubt ask if they want to know about our experiences or need more time to share their pain. 5. Wait until they tell you that they feel fully heard now. We can ask them if this is the case and encourage to continue if needed. Those basic rules are not practiced often and most people are not even aware they exist. However, they make a big difference. All of this points make much sense, thank you. But I'm afraid if we'd stick strictly to these rules, many threads would be ended very quickly, don't you think?! 🙂 There would be 5 posts with "I feel for you" and that's about it. I always thought that point of threads on PD was respectful discussion and exchange of different perspectives. I agree with dev4ever when it comes to posts where someone is just venting...this is a unique space where many times only the people here can really understand. I don’t think these specific posts are the ones that need in depth discussions and looking at it from 20 different angles. In this particular thread, Braced is our member and we are his community, not the random stranger. He was just venting what happened and didn’t really ask for help or anything. There are plenty of posts where people ask for help, advice, opinions, etc...where the heavier discussions take off, like you’re saying missparkle. I think it’s just a matter of understanding the original poster. Obviously everyone is allowed to insert their thoughts whenever/wherever they want, but when someone is just looking for an understanding ear (or eye lol), it can be frustrating to not feel supported by your own little community. Just my opinion though, I hope it makes sense.
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dev4ever
Junior Member
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Dev Status: Devotee
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Post by dev4ever on Sept 22, 2020 10:37:48 GMT -5
I assume that this discussion is related to a recent conflict within our community here. I think my experience with NVC (non violent communication) might contribute to some ease between us in cases of disagreement. Here are some basic rules used in NVC which might help us to avoid this type of conflict next time: 1. When a person tells us about an experience which was negative from their perspective we focus on their needs and feelings only, not on people they tell us about. Even if we disagree, we remember to hold space for a person in front of us first, except we don't feel resourceful enough and need to take care of ourselves first. If this is a case we inform them about it. 2. We ask them what can we do right now to support them and wait for their reply. If they don't want our support we respect their choice and offer to come to us later if they wish to. 3. We don't suggest any solutions or strategies until explicitly asked for them. If in doubt we ask if they would like suggestions or only a space to be listened to. 4. We don't use the situation to start talking about ourselves. Again, if in doubt ask if they want to know about our experiences or need more time to share their pain. 5. Wait until they tell you that they feel fully heard now. We can ask them if this is the case and encourage to continue if needed. Those basic rules are not practiced often and most people are not even aware they exist. However, they make a big difference. All of this points make much sense, thank you. But I'm afraid if we'd stick strictly to these rules, many threads would be ended very quickly, don't you think?! 🙂 There would be 5 posts with "I feel for you" and that's about it. I always thought that point of threads on PD was respectful discussion and exchange of different perspectives. That is true! To avoid the death of discussions and debates we might ask at the beginning of conversation if the person is prefering empathetic, active listening or a discussion of diverse opinions and suggestions. It helps also to check in in between and at the end. The intention of asking is to communicate consideration.
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Post by Braced4Impact on Sept 22, 2020 10:43:46 GMT -5
All of this points make much sense, thank you. But I'm afraid if we'd stick strictly to these rules, many threads would be ended very quickly, don't you think?! 🙂 There would be 5 posts with "I feel for you" and that's about it. I always thought that point of threads on PD was respectful discussion and exchange of different perspectives. I agree with dev4ever when it comes to posts where someone is just venting...this is a unique space where many times only the people here can really understand. I don’t think these specific posts are the ones that need in depth discussions and looking at it from 20 different angles. In this particular thread, Braced is our member and we are his community, not the random stranger. He was just venting what happened and didn’t really ask for help or anything. There are plenty of posts where people ask for help, advice, opinions, etc...where the heavier discussions take off, like you’re saying missparkle . I think it’s just a matter of understanding the original poster. Obviously everyone is allowed to insert their thoughts whenever/wherever they want, but when someone is just looking for an understanding ear (or eye lol), it can be frustrating to not feel supported by your own little community. Just my opinion though, I hope it makes sense.
I could ask for advice. Are there any signs or shirts I can wear that say "leave me alone" so that idiots like that guy leave me alone?
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Post by mona on Sept 22, 2020 10:56:21 GMT -5
Braced4Impact, I heard from someone that he uses headphones most of the time when alone out in public to avoid that those people approach and bother him.
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Post by Braced4Impact on Sept 22, 2020 11:00:42 GMT -5
Braced4Impact , I heard from someone that he uses headphones most of the time when alone out in public to avoid that those people approach and bother him. Great idea. Though I do enjoy the sounds of nature while fishing, I suppose this is an option!
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Post by myrrh on Sept 22, 2020 11:05:36 GMT -5
1) get one of those old Nokia belt-mounted phone cases
2) order business cards that say "I am not your teachable moment." (Optional: another line, "Fuck off.")
3) ? ? ?
4) peaceful fishing
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Post by Braced4Impact on Sept 22, 2020 11:07:17 GMT -5
1) get one of those old Nokia belt-mounted phone cases 2) order business cards that say "I am not your teachable moment." (Optional: another line, "Fuck off.") 3) ? ? ? 4) peaceful fishing Can it just say Fuck Off?
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quadversation
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Post by quadversation on Sept 22, 2020 11:16:52 GMT -5
1) get one of those old Nokia belt-mounted phone cases 2) order business cards that say "I am not your teachable moment." (Optional: another line, "Fuck off.") 3) ? ? ? 4) peaceful fishing People with the Nokia belt-mounted phones always scared me....that and shake weights.
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Post by Braced4Impact on Sept 22, 2020 11:20:00 GMT -5
1) get one of those old Nokia belt-mounted phone cases 2) order business cards that say "I am not your teachable moment." (Optional: another line, "Fuck off.") 3) ? ? ? 4) peaceful fishing People with the Nokia belt-mounted phones always scared me....that and shake weights. Hmm, scaring people might lead to them avoiding me. Double win.
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