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Post by wheelieInCali on Nov 22, 2011 7:44:45 GMT -5
Since my accident every girlfriend I've had, I met online.
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Post by BA on Nov 22, 2011 8:59:52 GMT -5
Wonderful story, Judit. Thanks for sharing.
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Post by lavly on Nov 22, 2011 10:20:58 GMT -5
Wonderful story, Judit. Thanks for sharing. i agree ty
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mrigby
Junior Member
Posts: 59
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Post by mrigby on Nov 22, 2011 13:22:30 GMT -5
He lived with his parents until finally he moved in with me, so when I visited him or when he came here his parents were always around - very nice, friendly and accepting people. They didn't have anything against me, even though I come from the eastern block, I am from another religion, and our relationship with their son ment quite some physical and financial burden on them, too. I was just another daughter for them. So I guess I not only fell in love with him, but also with his whole family. I live with my folks too. They are nothing but supportive and understanding, but with exception of one girl that I dated, most seem to have a hard time accepting that part of my life.
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mrigby
Junior Member
Posts: 59
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Post by mrigby on Nov 22, 2011 14:13:22 GMT -5
Oh, and thanks for sharing your story Judit. I definitely gives me hope.
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Post by ruthmadison on Nov 22, 2011 23:12:04 GMT -5
My only successful relationships have been from meeting in person. None were disabled guys. I feel like how I come across on the Internet is not accurate to me somehow because every man I meet on the Internet doesn't last past two dates (except one and that is a horror story for another time). I have tried Internet dating for years and many different kinds of sites and it just does not seem to work for me.
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mrigby
Junior Member
Posts: 59
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Post by mrigby on Nov 23, 2011 0:59:42 GMT -5
I feel like how I come across on the Internet is not accurate to me somehow because every man I meet on the Internet doesn't last past two dates... That doesn't seem possible. The girl I've seen so far on here is intelligent, creative and pretty damn rad. Seems pretty spot on to me.
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Post by ruthmadison on Nov 23, 2011 9:22:00 GMT -5
I feel like how I come across on the Internet is not accurate to me somehow because every man I meet on the Internet doesn't last past two dates... That doesn't seem possible. The girl I've seen so far on here is intelligent, creative and pretty damn rad. Seems pretty spot on to me. Well thank you, but you haven't actually met me in person so you have no way of knowing whether the impression you're getting here is accurate or not. See what I mean? I've found that people fill in the gaps in their knowledge of another person with what they think is there (and do so without realizing it). Sometimes that turns out to be accurate, most of the time it is not.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 23, 2011 12:09:30 GMT -5
I'm WAY more awesome in person. Trust me. And better looking, taller, funnier, more sensitive, richer, thinner and smarter.
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Post by BA on Nov 23, 2011 20:44:39 GMT -5
I'm not really a 'dev magnet' fortunately I'm pretty busy with non-dev ladies. ;o} LNH, I think I know what u are trying to say here, but I am not sure. The way it is put makes me somehow uncomfortable though, because it can kind of imply that you consider yourself "above" dating a devotee? (as if dev is the bottom of the barrel, last resort?). I don't think you mean this, but sometimes I have heard things like this from other guys and it makes me feel pretty crappy. It is possible that you might not know if you are a dev-magnet or not? I venture a guess that the absolute majority of devs would NEVER tell you that was part of their attraction for fear of repercussions in the r'ship as well as fear of addressing their own feelings. I can tell you of all the guys I dated, not one knew that part of my attraction, because I, couldn't process it enough to put it into words. I probably was just about the most non-dev acting girlfriend you could find. I also know that when I was with my b/f over those yrs and we were involved with sports with a number of other disabled guys, that quite a few, if not most, of the girls around them were def. undisclosed devotees. I knew this in my heart b/c of the amount of time they spent exclusively amongst disabled guys and many had more than one disabled male partner. It wasn't given a second thought because this attraction hadn't yet become a 'watchword' in the dis. community. Nobody spoke of it, ever. It was perceived that we were simply more open-minded, that's all. I don't think you meant to disparage devs with what you said, but I would love to have a little clarification. I think the girls on this board represent a pretty small fraction of 'devotees' out there.
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Post by ruthmadison on Nov 23, 2011 20:49:57 GMT -5
That's some good points, BA. I think if I didn't tell people they would have no idea I was a dev. When I'm with a guy, I pretty much ignore his disability entirely. I'm so sensitive to being accused of being fixated on it, that I go way far the opposite way.
But yeah, it's true that sometimes we get talked about like we're the last resort, the one you'll turn to when you're desperate and no "normal" girl wants you.
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Post by wonk on Nov 23, 2011 21:20:05 GMT -5
Hey Nick, I am just like you, except for 2 small differences, I am not rich and I am really really ridiculously good looking lol
BA, I don't think that was what he meant, but it did read like it. Looking back now at when I played sport, I was quite naive, I am sure many of the girls were devs, I just had no idea. The story of my life.. If I knew then what I know now! ha ha ha
edit.. spelling
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Post by wonk on Nov 23, 2011 21:22:24 GMT -5
Sorry Nick, not that you are unattractive, but I can't say anything else especially after accusing E and marine amp of a bromance!!
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mrigby
Junior Member
Posts: 59
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Post by mrigby on Nov 23, 2011 22:01:54 GMT -5
That's some good points, BA. I think if I didn't tell people they would have no idea I was a dev. When I'm with a guy, I pretty much ignore his disability entirely. I'm so sensitive to being accused of being fixated on it, that I go way far the opposite way. But yeah, it's true that sometimes we get talked about like we're the last resort, the one you'll turn to when you're desperate and no "normal" girl wants you. No dev should ever feel like a last resort. They way I see it at least is that devs are open-minded to having a relationship with someone with a disability. The fast majority of "normal" girls I've encountered are too close-minded to even consider dating someone in a wheelchair as a viable option. I call these "normal" girls snobs, but that's beside the point. The point I'm try to make is that for many of us wheelers at least, dating a dev means dating someone that is accepting of the things that you can't change in your life, Regardless of being a dev or a wheeler, isn't that what everyone wants in their significant other? A real relationship is about finding someone that accepts you for you. That's what the very heart of love is. Dating someone that is accepting and attracted to you isn't a last resort. It is the foundation of a strong relationship. Every girl that I have ever dated has told me that they were able to see past my disability (code for I'm not attracted, but who needs sex). Big surprise that these relationships didn't work because they all acted like they were all doing me a huge favor by dating me. I'm looking for someone that treats me like an equal. That's not a last resort. That should be the only resort for everyone no matter who they are. Lastly, I can't speak on behalf of every wheeler. There are probably some of us out there that do view devs as a last resort. I've met women that think the same of wheelers and another that thought the same because I'm Jewish. There will always be people that outright suck, but I seriously doubt that any of them are posting on this site.
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Post by Emma on Nov 24, 2011 0:01:43 GMT -5
Every girl that I have ever dated has told me that they were able to see past my disability (code for I'm not attracted, but who needs sex). I don't think this means she wants sex. I think it means she likes you for your personality, looks, humor or whatever.....just doesn't like your disability. For me as a dev I always say I don't see past the disability, I look right at it
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