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Post by ruthmadison on Nov 28, 2011 8:08:52 GMT -5
f*ck the odds!!!! from what i see of your post your pretty cool mate. you will find your chick ... and she will be into all of you ... i have lost count of how long i have wanted the same thing .... to be loved and known. by a wheeler no less. i dont know whos odds are smaller mine or yours ? Thanks Lavly. You're pretty cool yourself. There are lots of wheelers looking for a great dev like you. I'm sure you'll be able to find the one that is right for you. On a side note, I think that I need to print a t-shirt that says f*ck The Odds! Seems like a good rallying cry. I like that idea for a new t-shirt design on paradevo! There's a lot for me to catch up on this thread! I had someone comment on one of my YouTube videos that disabled people better accept devs because now one else was going to want them. I very much disagreed with that statement! And I was sorry to see that message being put forth by a dev. I can see the points of where it could be more challenging to find a non-dev who is at ease with the disability (and I like WheeliinCali's description of why he would prefer a dev), but a dev is not the only choice. I think sometimes we say that because it makes us feel better. We like to think that we are the best choice for a wheeler, but really the person who is right for you and loves you is the right choice for you, dev or not. Disabled or not. I was really moved the other day when I was talking to my cousin. He is disabled and just got married. I asked what his wife thought about the disability and he said that it made no difference to her. She loved him, all of him, as he is, he felt that she was the first girl he dated who just saw him. That put me to shame.
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Post by MarineAmp on Nov 28, 2011 14:29:56 GMT -5
I realized there were some things said in my last post that could and did hit a few nerves. I will clarify that in a second. The point of the post was to actually try to help some realize that devs are a great option, but not the only option. There are plenty of women to go around, but not a lot of devs. At least, not a lot of straight female devs. If you aren't having success in finding a good match in the dev market then it seems like it would be in your best interest to expand your horizons some.
When I start describing things, like the power chair or being fatter, or whatever else, I am actually referring to my own experience and how I perceived myself. I had a rough time after my injury, spent 53 straight days in ICU, (one day off from tying the Marine Corps record at Bethesda). I had complete muscle atrophy, and when I could finally use a wheelchair it was a power chair that I felt stuck in for 2-3 months. It was really nice to have because of some of those hills I had to deal with at Walter Reed. However I wanted to be able to use my own muscle power to get around.
I also got nice and fat after my injury. I use to be able to eat whatever I wanted. Being a collegiate track athlete I ate whatever I wanted, and the one time I had my body fat tested was at the beginning of my junior year and I had come into the season already at 5% body fat. So it put a real damper on my spirits when the most I weighed when I had legs was 190lbs, and then ballooned up to 209lbs after my injury (without legs obviously). I'm down to 165 now and I am so much happier and so much more nimble now because of it. My shoulders are happier about that now too.
When I was in the hospital I had to have everything done for me, from feeding me to wiping my ass. I still feel sorry for all the nurses that had to take care of me, regardless of how the might feel about it.
That whole long story was just to illustrate that when I was talking about some of those "unpleasant personal characteristics", most of it is actually in reference to myself and my own personal experience.
I also realize that even if my life had stayed the way it was when I was first injured I would have adapted to that life, as I've had to adapt to the life I have now. Things obviously would have been much different, but like a lot of the guys on this board, I think we usually try to make the best of the situation, or at least make the situation "do able".
I really don't think I said anything in the previous post that was that earth shattering and I'm guessing most of you have had some similar thoughts, but I could be wrong.
I think the odds are always stacked against you to find that match, but I just think of it as a process of elimination. I have no idea how many women I've dated before I finally met my wife, but it can take a while to find that match. The best thing I can think of to help speed of the process is to open your search pool up, I think this can be said to anyone having trouble finding a partner.
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Post by wheelieInCali on Nov 28, 2011 15:49:29 GMT -5
I'm not looking for a partner. I've been on my own most of my life often when somebody was living with me. I have learned that I don't mind it. There is actually a kind of liberation in not having anybody to answer to. I have been in love and that is great. If it happens again and all the cards are in place for a lifelong relationship that would be great and I would be happy to. I think however, that my personality and expectations are not conducive for a relationship. I'm pretty sure I'm going to be a bachelor for life.
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Post by ~Z28gal~ on Nov 28, 2011 16:13:21 GMT -5
After finally catching up on this thread, I just wanted to say that I LOVE the discussion going on, and I particularly love this: although completely possible for a non-dev to dig you and your body fully, i expect any non-dev would still deep down in the recesses of their heart somewhere 'prefer' that you were able bodied. devs 'prefer' you just as you are. of course often i find myself wishing for the other person that they didn't have a disability to contend with or didn't have such a difficult time with doing certain things, etc. and that is a huge part of the dev guilt for me. because i do 'prefer' a man to be disabled. blah. it's still a mind-f*ck, even for me, even all these years later. but i think that is the ultimate difference between dev and non-dev. i think it's also what weirds disabled guys out... thinking it must be a control issue or some sort of insecurity on our part. but it's just what we are attracted to. i personally think a dev-wheeler relationship between the right partners (including a fully accepting wheeler), is a total win-win. i also would remind the guys that just because someone you've had a relationship with hasn't revealed herself as a dev, it doesn't mean she wasn't one. many devs probably don't even know 'what' they are. many probably choose to not identify with the label. and many many many probably keep it under wraps...forever. i think the sampling of devs participating on this board are in the top percentile of self-awareness and frankly, bravery. but there are many more out there who may not even be fully aware of it themselves. and even more who would probably never ever let you know. trust me on that. Hits the nail right on the head, Dolly. I also want to add that I definitely think non-dev girls can be sexually attracted to dis guys. Either that, or there are WAY more female devs than we think there are, considering the number of chicks that jump into my guy's lap every time we go out.
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Nov 29, 2011 2:35:21 GMT -5
This has definitely been a lively one...Alf, thank you for your insights...you are truly a wealth of information and experience. E, you and Dolly both figured out that my trouble all began with shoddy punctuation. I view Devs and non-devs as equals...If I ever experience a Dev intimately, as many of you have, that very well may become a preference. Emma and marineamp...you guys are very honest, and real. I love that about you, and wouldn't change a thing. With technology...the adage ''once an amputee...always an amputee'' may be no longer true. However ''once a Marine, always a Marine'' will always ring true. You two, to me...are a model couple. Nothing is perfect...but it sure seems to work for you guys...that encourages me, and I'm sure many others. Mrigby, you seem like a great guy...as interesting, and clever as anyone here...I'm looking forward to getting to know you. I probably missed something, but I'm sure it will pop back up if I did.
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Post by dev2011 on Dec 6, 2011 19:04:26 GMT -5
I've never dated a wheeler
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Post by dentelle on Dec 6, 2011 19:39:15 GMT -5
I've never dated a wheeler Nor have I
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Deleted
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Post by Deleted on Dec 6, 2011 22:00:48 GMT -5
I've never dated a wheeler Nor have I I haven't either, although I knew a quad that I would've given my right arm to date...
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Dec 6, 2011 22:30:08 GMT -5
Nor have I I haven't either, although I knew a quad that I would've given my right arm to date... Was that before or after? I'm not sure whether to laugh or not.
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Post by BA on Dec 6, 2011 22:32:51 GMT -5
I think you can go ahead and laugh. He made a funny.
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Post by Inigo Montoya on Dec 6, 2011 22:42:03 GMT -5
In that case... lol!
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Post by wheelieInCali on Dec 6, 2011 22:43:06 GMT -5
I've never dated a wheeler Nor have I I have. Not my particular cup of tea.
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Post by lavly on Dec 6, 2011 22:58:18 GMT -5
are you a coffee dude cali?
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Lindsay :)
Full Member
Smile, It's a Good Day
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Post by Lindsay :) on Dec 6, 2011 23:33:48 GMT -5
Out of curiosity, how many devs on here have dated wheelers, and how many wheelers have dated devs? Also, how did you meet each other? I'm hitting the dating scene again, so I guess I'm looking for advise on finding the dev of my dreams. Going into this chat, I know I’m behind the 8-ball as it’s been about 2-weeks since the first post and I apologize if I repeat anyone’s comments…. I had an amazingly wonderful relationship with a wheeler while I was in my undergraduate degree. He was a high(er) level quad – C4 complete – and we both entered the relationship knowing that it was going to be temporary. He was a senior classman, as well as 14 years older than I was, while I was a freshman. It was, to date, the most satisfying relationship that I have ever been in. Adam and I met randomly on campus during a lecture event we were both require to attend. We both arrived late to the lecture – I had a class and he had work. Jokingly he offered his lap as that was the only “seat” available by the time I arrived. I, being the “un-bashful” dev that I am, sat down on his lap without a 2nd thought – and definitely not realizing that he was being sarcastic. That lecture led to coffee, which led to dinner, which led to the most fulfilling “summer love.” I knew he was graduating and moving cross country for a job and he knew I was barely 18 and just starting my college life (he was 32 years old and ending his). We’re still friends via 3rd parties– although we haven’t chatted in years. I know that he’s married with a young daughter and another on the way. He knows that I’m in graduate school and just scored a promotion at work. Would I repeat our affair – I’m not sure… but he had a huge impact on my dev-ness – and my final acceptance of that dev-ness – and I know I know I wouldn’t trade that for the world.
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Post by wheelieInCali on Dec 7, 2011 0:18:29 GMT -5
are you a coffee dude cali? More like Chai! Spicy with a devotee finish
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