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Post by matisse on May 5, 2021 19:06:44 GMT -5
Here's some inspiration porn, where the dude got married even though he's life expectancy limited, but perhaps more significantly, it's a pretty aggressive condition. What a way to start things off. Any thoughts on the likelihood she's a dev? thechive.com/2021/05/04/you-me-and-the-dbc-15-photos/
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robert_house
Full Member
Posts: 103
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by robert_house on May 5, 2021 19:22:03 GMT -5
I watch their youtube Channel!
I once tried to date a girl with FA (which is what this guy has). I was worried about life expectancy too, and that I'd eventually be the more able-bodied of the two of us. But once I'd gotten those fears out of my system, I told myself I'd be ready. I never got a chance to find out though, because she moved away before we could really start a relationship.
People with FA tend to make it to their 60's from what I've read before, so I guess it could be worse.
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easternwind
New Member
Posts: 24
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by easternwind on Oct 11, 2021 17:22:26 GMT -5
wow ive been struggling with these exact thoughts for years im glad to see im not alone in this...its hard as a disabled guy to justify wanting a relationship when you know you'll be a burden for your potential partner
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Post by FlyingBert on Oct 12, 2021 23:39:14 GMT -5
Yes.
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Post by infinatedreams on Oct 13, 2021 3:19:52 GMT -5
its hard as a disabled guy to justify wanting a relationship when you know you'll be a burden for your potential partner And its these kinda statements that perpetuate the steryotype that disabled dudes are a burden and therefore anyone dating them is 'odd' or are 'sooooooooooo feckin brave for taking him on' Sure some guys come with different levels of need or future need (some with none), but is that a burden when the chick knows what she is letting herself in for?, is it not just something she accepts to be with the dude she loves? Here's a scenario .... paraplegic dude living alone and independently with no personal care needs moves in his girlfriend and kids (who's father has done a runner). Who is taking on the most? where is the burden? is there a burden when the paraplegic dude embraces and accepts the extended family to be with the chick? Ok i know im talking as a paraplegic dude who it more than capable of 'looking after myself'. But care needs or not all you need to justify wanting a relationship is the ability to give and receive love.
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Post by jakewheelz on Oct 13, 2021 8:33:38 GMT -5
its hard as a disabled guy to justify wanting a relationship when you know you'll be a burden for your potential partner And its these kinda statements that perpetuate the steryotype that disabled dudes are a burden and therefore anyone dating them is 'odd' or are 'sooooooooooo feckin brave for taking him on' Sure some guys come with different levels of need or future need (some with none), but is that a burden when the chick knows what she is letting herself in for?, is it not just something she accepts to be with the dude she loves? Here's a scenario .... paraplegic dude living alone and independently with no personal care needs moves in his girlfriend and kids (who's father has done a runner). Who is taking on the most? where is the burden? is there a burden when the paraplegic dude embraces and accepts the extended family to be with the chick? Ok i know im talking as a paraplegic dude who it more than capable of 'looking after myself'. But care needs or not all you need to justify wanting a relationship is the ability to give and receive love. Preach dad, preach! š
šÆ
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Post by rebeckers84 on Oct 13, 2021 10:13:15 GMT -5
its hard as a disabled guy to justify wanting a relationship when you know you'll be a burden for your potential partner And its these kinda statements that perpetuate the steryotype that disabled dudes are a burden and therefore anyone dating them is 'odd' or are 'sooooooooooo feckin brave for taking him on' Sure some guys come with different levels of need or future need (some with none), but is that a burden when the chick knows what she is letting herself in for?, is it not just something she accepts to be with the dude she loves? Here's a scenario .... paraplegic dude living alone and independently with no personal care needs moves in his girlfriend and kids (who's father has done a runner). Who is taking on the most? where is the burden? is there a burden when the paraplegic dude embraces and accepts the extended family to be with the chick? Ok i know im talking as a paraplegic dude who it more than capable of 'looking after myself'. But care needs or not all you need to justify wanting a relationship is the ability to give and receive love. Yea I canāt get on board with this being a burden to a partner thing to keep from wanting a relationship either. Honestly, Iāve dated some AB guys that wouldāve been wayyyy more of a āburdenā than a pwd. I think itās one of those things that you just sign up for no matter what with any relationship. Every single person is going to come with some sort of burden. Iām going to have some burdens that I bring to the table as well. I think whatās important is openly talking about those things, being on the same page and working through them together. Thatās what makes a solid relationship.
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alex48
New Member
Posts: 17
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
Relationship Status: Single
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Post by alex48 on Oct 13, 2021 19:32:57 GMT -5
This is a great thread.
I grew up with a father who was disabled and a mother who took care of him until he died. I've asked her before if she ever felt he was a burden to her in any way. She answered with an emphatic "NEVER!". My father could have had outside help but my mother refused it. With all she did for him she never complained or looked stressed and it was down to one simple thing... she loved him. To her he wasn't disabled, he was her partner and she would have done anything for him. I've never before or since seen two people so in love.
I'm disabled and gay but not obviously gay so women flirt with me often. What I've come to realize is that straight women aren't really bothered about a disability if they're attracted to someone. They can see what they'd be getting into and don't seem to care. Gay men are a different story. A disability is like a repellant to an AB gay. Most of the gays that I have interacted with (who are attracted to disabled guys) usually have a fetish and don't find me disabled enough. Makes me wish sometimes that I were straight. I'm positive that I would be in a relationship right now if I were.
Women are awesome!
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easternwind
New Member
Posts: 24
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by easternwind on Oct 17, 2021 22:00:21 GMT -5
its hard as a disabled guy to justify wanting a relationship when you know you'll be a burden for your potential partner And its these kinda statements that perpetuate the steryotype that disabled dudes are a burden and therefore anyone dating them is 'odd' or are 'sooooooooooo feckin brave for taking him on' Sure some guys come with different levels of need or future need (some with none), but is that a burden when the chick knows what she is letting herself in for?, is it not just something she accepts to be with the dude she loves? Here's a scenario .... paraplegic dude living alone and independently with no personal care needs moves in his girlfriend and kids (who's father has done a runner). Who is taking on the most? where is the burden? is there a burden when the paraplegic dude embraces and accepts the extended family to be with the chick? Ok i know im talking as a paraplegic dude who it more than capable of 'looking after myself'. But care needs or not all you need to justify wanting a relationship is the ability to give and receive love. but its true that id be a burden i need help for everything, im not like you i cant survive alone i would die if i had nobody to help me. and i cant say id be able to help my partner in anything either except encouragement bc i can talk, but thats what friends are for... so thats why im here. i figured that only someone with a fetish for disability wouldnt see me as a burden since at least then shes getting something out of this relationship
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Post by IcarusFellOnce on Oct 17, 2021 22:46:13 GMT -5
And its these kinda statements that perpetuate the steryotype that disabled dudes are a burden and therefore anyone dating them is 'odd' or are 'sooooooooooo feckin brave for taking him on' Sure some guys come with different levels of need or future need (some with none), but is that a burden when the chick knows what she is letting herself in for?, is it not just something she accepts to be with the dude she loves? Here's a scenario .... paraplegic dude living alone and independently with no personal care needs moves in his girlfriend and kids (who's father has done a runner). Who is taking on the most? where is the burden? is there a burden when the paraplegic dude embraces and accepts the extended family to be with the chick? Ok i know im talking as a paraplegic dude who it more than capable of 'looking after myself'. But care needs or not all you need to justify wanting a relationship is the ability to give and receive love. but its true that id be a burden i need help for everything, im not like you i cant survive alone i would die if i had nobody to help me. and i cant say id be able to help my partner in anything either except encouragement bc i can talk, but thats what friends are for... so thats why im here. i figured that only someone with a fetish for disability wouldnt see me as a burden since at least then shes getting something out of this relationship Guess it can depend on the disability... your ability to love and accept yourself as not necessarily a burden is key. Hear me out.. know that sounds like some "differently abled" bullshit. BUT ALL people.. abled bodied or not come with baggage. Ours is more often than not extremely noticeable and visible. (again.. saying more often because I don't want to discredit those not readily see or invisible disabilities). POINT... we all come with some shit. Having dated men and women.. I've seen it on both ends.... having not been born this way and living abled bodied most of my adult life has also given me some perspective on this. YES... most do not have an open enough mind. MOST in this world live with extreme ableist viewpoints when it comes to dating people living with a disability and viewing us as sexually viable and romantically viable options. SOME MEN AND WOMEN have all the genetic luck. Born with high metabolism, born as extroverts, symmetrical faces, tall.. etc.. etc. Abled bodied or not.. you focus on the baggage you bring to the table.. and what you're not.. OR to put it another way.. if you have no real self love... people around you will pick up on it and see that. NOTHING is more attractive than a self possessed, self loving, confident person... abled bodied or not. Believe me.. I have days of LOATHING this injury.. but I try NOT to let it cause me to hate myself. I can NOT help this injury... this disability... there is nothing I can do to change it. I can't focus on it. I have to focus on being the most active, fun, athletic, intelligent, sweet.. (whatever characteristics are your strength, speak to you, and cause you to love yourself the most).. focus on being the most THAT that you are able to be within your disability. I'm not saying it's going to guarantee an outcome... BUT you will be much happier and better off regardless of who comes in and out of your life. My two cents. Hope you can find some peace and happiness within this disability. I know it's a struggle for me at times.. but that's part of what this place is for. Share thoughts, fantasies, anxieties, fears, strengths, hopes, turn ons, turn offs, what works, what does't work. Wishing you the best.
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Post by koala on Oct 18, 2021 0:39:44 GMT -5
but its true that id be a burden i need help for everything, im not like you i cant survive alone i would die if i had nobody to help me. and i cant say id be able to help my partner in anything either except encouragement bc i can talk, but thats what friends are for...Ā so thats why im here. i figured that only someone with a fetish for disability wouldnt see me as a burden since at least then shes getting something out of this relationship I would recommend that go back and read some of the previous posts on this thread. You will see so many examples of why this statement is absolutely not true. This concept of being a burden is one that you carry around with you because society says you must, but it's not actually yours to carry. You don't get to decide whether or not you are a burden to someone else. Anyone who sees value in you and CHOOSES to enter into a relationship with you is fully aware of what that means, and it's their decision to accept you and all that comes with you. My husband was completely immobile for about a year before he passed, and he relied on me for literally everything, but being his wife is still the most incredible blessing I have ever received in life. He provided for me and contributed to our relationship in ways no other man ever could, and I will forever be grateful for that time we had together. According to society's standards, I should have seen him as a burden. People (including him) told me that I should divorce him or put him in a facility, but I only ever saw him as my lover and soul mate. No one got to decide that for me or tell me how to feel about our situation...not society and not my husband...just ME. I know it's difficult to let go of that baggage. You've been told that it's yours to carry for so long that it has become a part of who you are, but until you can learn to see yourself as valuable and accept the fact that you are absolutely worthy of experiencing love, it will only be a hindrance to any relationship you do have.
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easternwind
New Member
Posts: 24
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by easternwind on Oct 18, 2021 17:12:12 GMT -5
but its true that id be a burden i need help for everything, im not like you i cant survive alone i would die if i had nobody to help me. and i cant say id be able to help my partner in anything either except encouragement bc i can talk, but thats what friends are for... so thats why im here. i figured that only someone with a fetish for disability wouldnt see me as a burden since at least then shes getting something out of this relationship I would recommend that go back and read some of the previous posts on this thread. You will see so many examples of why this statement is absolutely not true. This concept of being a burden is one that you carry around with you because society says you must, but it's not actually yours to carry. You don't get to decide whether or not you are a burden to someone else. Anyone who sees value in you and CHOOSES to enter into a relationship with you is fully aware of what that means, and it's their decision to accept you and all that comes with you. My husband was completely immobile for about a year before he passed, and he relied on me for literally everything, but being his wife is still the most incredible blessing I have ever received in life. He provided for me and contributed to our relationship in ways no other man ever could, and I will forever be grateful for that time we had together. According to society's standards, I should have seen him as a burden. People (including him) told me that I should divorce him or put him in a facility, but I only ever saw him as my lover and soul mate. No one got to decide that for me or tell me how to feel about our situation...not society and not my husband...just ME. I know it's difficult to let go of that baggage. You've been told that it's yours to carry for so long that it has become a part of who you are, but until you can learn to see yourself as valuable and accept the fact that you are absolutely worthy of experiencing love, it will only be a hindrance to any relationship you do have. its hard to believe these words when at 26, nobody has ever chosen to enter a relationship with me. hell nobody ever saw me as hot or sexually attractive yes society tells us we are useless but its biologically and logically the truth as well, why choose a heavily disabled mate over an able bodied one who can provide much and more without ever being as much of a burden? fetichisme is the only reason i can think of
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Post by infinatedreams on Oct 18, 2021 17:31:49 GMT -5
easternwind If nobody has ever found you hot or sexually attractive how can you conclude therefore that if someone does it is because of a 'fetish'? unless you have dated a dev and non dev you cant conclude anything and even then its hardly scientific as individuals attractions are so varied. Maybe you give of bad vibes given that you feel societally, biologicaly and logically useless that you arent really a good catch? and its your 'attitude' that is most unatractive? Let the chick decide wether you are a 'burden' or not. A lot will but still enough out there that wont if you bring other attributes to the table. Not saying it is easy dating as a disabled dude, it aint. But you can 'compete' with and 'out-do' many AB guys.
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easternwind
New Member
Posts: 24
Gender: Male
Dev Status: Disabled Male
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Post by easternwind on Oct 18, 2021 17:53:12 GMT -5
easternwind If nobody has ever found you hot or sexually attractive how can you conclude therefore that if someone does it is because of a 'fetish'? unless you have dated a dev and non dev you cant conclude anything and even then its hardly scientific as individuals attractions are so varied. Maybe you give of bad vibes given that you feel societally, biologicaly and logically useless that you arent really a good catch? and its your 'attitude' that is most unatractive? Let the chick decide wether you are a 'burden' or not. A lot will but still enough out there that wont if you bring other attributes to the table. Not saying it is easy dating as a disabled dude, it aint. But you can 'compete' with and 'out-do' many AB guys. you say im unscientific then go on and talk about "vibes" lol whats unscientific is believing in something with no confirmation. I'll believe im not a burden when someone comes along and doesnt see me as one
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Post by Dr. BiPAP Sachin on Oct 18, 2021 18:10:26 GMT -5
WTF is this burden horseshit? It sounds soā¦ what was the wordā¦ ableist.
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