Devs only: What are your dev struggles lately?

[kat]

Feb 25, 2024 15:03:12 GMT -5 em said:

I don't know if this is a struggle, but I noticed a strange pattern - whenever I'm close to finishing a big project, my mind drifts into fantasy land and I start making up some devvy stories, and all the background info (and do the related one-person fun, although it wasn't all about that), and I obsess over it for a few days, imaging all kinds of dialogues, scenes, medical conditions, family structures, you name it!
I'd been in that world since at least Wednesday and I was forcing myself to focus on work because I have important things to do but I was really struggling. And then this morning I woke up and it was kind of gone, like I ran out of the things I felt the need to process (i.e., stories I was telling myself).
I don't know if my brain just considers a finishing-a-project high and a dev high similar and it got confused? Because I don't think it's the first time this happened. Maybe it's something to do with my cycle too, I need to investigate that as well. Now I'm kind of glad that I can focus on the real world but I also miss the excitement of being in the story in my head...

I 100% do this too, but for me, it's completely aligned with my cycle (ovulation specifically, which I guess makes biological sense). It always brings on a couple days of extra intense dev thoughts, and I can get lost so deep in the daydreams and fantasies. I find it really enjoyable, but on the other hand, I'm glad it's not that intense all the time because it really is hard to get anything done 😄

[Enid]

Feb 25, 2024 15:03:12 GMT -5 em said:

I don't know if this is a struggle, but I noticed a strange pattern - whenever I'm close to finishing a big project, my mind drifts into fantasy land and I start making up some devvy stories, and all the background info (and do the related one-person fun, although it wasn't all about that), and I obsess over it for a few days, imaging all kinds of dialogues, scenes, medical conditions, family structures, you name it!
I'd been in that world since at least Wednesday and I was forcing myself to focus on work because I have important things to do but I was really struggling. And then this morning I woke up and it was kind of gone, like I ran out of the things I felt the need to process (i.e., stories I was telling myself).
I don't know if my brain just considers a finishing-a-project high and a dev high similar and it got confused? Because I don't think it's the first time this happened. Maybe it's something to do with my cycle too, I need to investigate that as well. Now I'm kind of glad that I can focus on the real world but I also miss the excitement of being in the story in my head...

Stress will do that to you. Devness is an escape for most of us, so the busier we are, the more we want to hide in fantasy land! Same applies to any other problem you want to run away from.

[em]

Feb 26, 2024 2:25:08 GMT -5 kat said:

Feb 25, 2024 15:03:12 GMT -5 em said:

I don't know if this is a struggle, but I noticed a strange pattern - whenever I'm close to finishing a big project, my mind drifts into fantasy land and I start making up some devvy stories, and all the background info (and do the related one-person fun, although it wasn't all about that), and I obsess over it for a few days, imaging all kinds of dialogues, scenes, medical conditions, family structures, you name it!
I'd been in that world since at least Wednesday and I was forcing myself to focus on work because I have important things to do but I was really struggling. And then this morning I woke up and it was kind of gone, like I ran out of the things I felt the need to process (i.e., stories I was telling myself).
I don't know if my brain just considers a finishing-a-project high and a dev high similar and it got confused? Because I don't think it's the first time this happened. Maybe it's something to do with my cycle too, I need to investigate that as well. Now I'm kind of glad that I can focus on the real world but I also miss the excitement of being in the story in my head...

I 100% do this too, but for me, it's completely aligned with my cycle (ovulation specifically, which I guess makes biological sense). It always brings on a couple days of extra intense dev thoughts, and I can get lost so deep in the daydreams and fantasies. I find it really enjoyable, but on the other hand, I'm glad it's not that intense all the time because it really is hard to get anything done 😄

I think that was it too! I'm glad I'm not the only ones this happens to  

[lisa]

Interestingly my devness, apart from being linked to my cycle, is strongest when I'm feeling most relaxed. Having stress is usually killing all devvy thoughts. At least it's a good indicator for when I should look out for myself and try to get the stress under control (easier said than done most of the time).

A struggle I'm having at the moment is probably a pretty privileged one. Since it's so rare to actually meet someone you click with and can imagine spending part of your life with I'm often quite afraid to lose again what I've been looking for for such a long time. I can't remember having this not very helpful fear with any AB guys. I guess the unlikeliness and difficulty of meeting a PWD like this is sometimes just a bit overwhelming.

[BA]

My frustration is my age and feeling that there is no PWD out there anymore who might be interested. Even though I look (or so have been told) significantly younger, I feel most of the guys around are in their 20’s, 30’s and early 40’s and interested in a much younger woman. I have had relationships with PWD and accept that maybe my time has passed.

[ichbin]

Mar 7, 2024 17:25:12 GMT -5 BA said:

My frustration is my age and feeling that there is no PWD out there anymore who might be interested. Even though I look (or so have been told) significantly younger, I feel most of the guys around are in their 20’s, 30’s and early 40’s and interested in a much younger woman. I have had relationships with PWD and accept that maybe my time has passed.

My guy is 56, and from pictures I've seen, a guy could be really happy to call you his gf. 💃

I'm sure there are men out there your age (or a little older) who'd be a good match for you 😘

[lisa]

Mar 7, 2024 17:25:12 GMT -5 BA said:

My frustration is my age and feeling that there is no PWD out there anymore who might be interested.

It's sometimes so strange what our perceptions of age are. As a young, starting to becoming self aware dev a decade ago I thought that maybe I would have to wait until I'm old to find a PWD, because there are significantly more old people with disabilities than young ones. Part of it was also because I thought only then would it be accepted by others for me to date a PWD. It didn't turn out that way, I did find and date PWDs also in younger years. I also dated people significantly older than me and what I hadn't anticipated is the loss of, well, libido in older men (certainly not all, but some that I happened to stumble across). I read that while for men it seems to decrease, in women there is an ongoing increase in sex drive, even later on. It seems a bit unfair, doesn't it?
Anyway, fortunately there are so many different people out there and even if you feel that the chances are low, I wouldn't give up on finding someone. It often happened for me when I least expected it.

[jrm]

Mar 7, 2024 17:25:12 GMT -5 BA said:

My frustration is my age and feeling that there is no PWD out there anymore who might be interested. Even though I look (or so have been told) significantly younger, I feel most of the guys around are in their 20’s, 30’s and early 40’s and interested in a much younger woman. I have had relationships with PWD and accept that maybe my time has passed.

I can certainly relate to this feeling.  Although I haven't completely given up on finding a PWD, I'm beginning to doubt that this is going to happen, and my age plays a big part of why I feel this way.

[Dani]

I'm feeling the same as BA and jrm like I'm just getting too old for most PWD.

My libido is basically non-existent now, and no PWD is interested in me anymore. I had a very good, kinky, and active sex life all the way until menopause, but now everything has faded. I have no sex drive anymore, and with that, my devness has definitely changed. I don't particularly miss it, and I can still have fulfilling sex; I just don't have the natural hormonal and primal drive anymore. Nowadays, it's a very factual endeavor. Closeness and intimacy have moved to the forefront again, passionate ravaging sex is a thing of the past I fear. I do like to give sex though, but I don't really need much in return. With a PWD FWB this was actually enjoyable, to give and see him enjoying what I did without him having to do much to me. I was very content with the "giving" part...

So, my devness has definitely disappeared into the abyss of menopause. It would be nice to have some more experiences with a PWD but I just don't think it will happen anymore. Guys will be guys and want to talk or act on sexual scenarios, so I'm very boring nowadays.   

As far as stress-induced devness - for me, it was always when I wasn't stressed I could let myself fully fall into my devness. When I was stressed, I had no time and energy to focus on anything dev-related.

[dutchdev]

Mar 9, 2024 19:07:46 GMT -5 Dani said:

I'm feeling the same as BA and jrm like I'm just getting too old for most PWD.

My libido is basically non-existent now, and no PWD is interested in me anymore. I had a very good, kinky, and active sex life all the way until menopause, but now everything has faded. I have no sex drive anymore, and with that, my devness has definitely changed. I don't particularly miss it, and I can still have fulfilling sex; I just don't have the natural hormonal and primal drive anymore. Nowadays, it's a very factual endeavor. Closeness and intimacy have moved to the forefront again, passionate ravaging sex is a thing of the past I fear. I do like to give sex though, but I don't really need much in return. With a PWD FWB this was actually enjoyable, to give and see him enjoying what I did without him having to do much to me. I was very content with the "giving" part...

So, my devness has definitely disappeared into the abyss of menopause. It would be nice to have some more experiences with a PWD but I just don't think it will happen anymore. Guys will be guys and want to talk or act on sexual scenarios, so I'm very boring nowadays.   

As far as stress-induced devness - for me, it was always when I wasn't stressed I could let myself fully fall into my devness. When I was stressed, I had no time and energy to focus on anything dev-related.

As someone on the brink of entering menopause, are you completely passed it an didn't it return or still going through it? Don't know your age. I am finally ready to  explore being a dev, it would really suck to lose my sexdrive now. 

[Dani]

I am 52 years old, 53 in April. I've been completely through it for about two years, and it has not returned. Every woman is different; you may experience it totally differently or later, but in my circles with my best friends, we're all experiencing it similarly, and it's definitely true what you hear. Just a few years ago, I would have never imagined that my sexual interest and activity would fade like this. I don't want to take hormones because I'm scared of the increased risk of cancer.
I do know of older women who still have a natural sex drive even after menopause, so again, everyone is different.
Lube is my friend nowadays, that part also sucks...never had any issues in my entire life until now.   It's not psychological; the changes for me are purely physical. 

That being said, my devness was not heavily connected to my sex drive or sexuality. All my life, I enjoyed sex very much without any dev-related content. I am/was into other things that got me going. I didn't have to think of guys in wheelchairs to orgasm, so in that case, it's not much different than how I am now. My sexuality is not driven by my devness, my devness is not driven by my sexuality, so it's not particularly the problem. The issue is that most guys want to talk/act sex, and that's where I am like, "Meh, I don't really care. Can we just hang out, and can I watch you be a PWD?"...

[blueskye101]

Mar 10, 2024 6:03:37 GMT -5 dutchdev said:

Mar 9, 2024 19:07:46 GMT -5 Dani said:

I'm feeling the same as BA and jrm like I'm just getting too old for most PWD.

My libido is basically non-existent now, and no PWD is interested in me anymore. I had a very good, kinky, and active sex life all the way until menopause, but now everything has faded. I have no sex drive anymore, and with that, my devness has definitely changed. I don't particularly miss it, and I can still have fulfilling sex; I just don't have the natural hormonal and primal drive anymore. Nowadays, it's a very factual endeavor. Closeness and intimacy have moved to the forefront again, passionate ravaging sex is a thing of the past I fear. I do like to give sex though, but I don't really need much in return. With a PWD FWB this was actually enjoyable, to give and see him enjoying what I did without him having to do much to me. I was very content with the "giving" part...

So, my devness has definitely disappeared into the abyss of menopause. It would be nice to have some more experiences with a PWD but I just don't think it will happen anymore. Guys will be guys and want to talk or act on sexual scenarios, so I'm very boring nowadays.   

As far as stress-induced devness - for me, it was always when I wasn't stressed I could let myself fully fall into my devness. When I was stressed, I had no time and energy to focus on anything dev-related.

As someone on the brink of entering menopause, are you completely passed it an didn't it return or still going through it? Don't know your age. I am finally ready to  explore being a dev, it would really suck to lose my sexdrive now. 

I did lose my intense dev feelings during menopause and peri- menopause but seemed after finished @ 50 it came back without problem. I guess I should feel lucky but I think it’s different for everyone. My sisters are the same as I in This respect but I have friends that it’s an issue.

[talkingdeafgirl]

Hi!

I have been struggling to meet PWDS here, and I have my doubts as to meeting anyone here. So far, haven't come across any interesting people here, do you actually get to meet someone here? There are so many here who just text one time showing interest and then disappear for a long long time. And I have noticed many are young around 20s, are there anybody here around 35 and above?

Well, never mind. Still I am single and happy to be single.

[ayla]

My struggle lately is dealing with flaky and/or fake pwd guys. People who talk for a bit and then ghost, or who give an excuse that seems very flimsy instead of being direct. Or people who are pushy but seem suspicious. I feel like it's getting harder to tell who is a fake (pretender, wannabe, BIID type person who is trying to deceive me for their own personal reasons), which is making me come across as paranoid and jaded to the real people. Then when I do let my guard down, oftentimes they flake! It's super frustrating trying to make and maintain real connections with people.

[talkingdeafgirl]

Apr 2, 2024 12:11:50 GMT -5 ayla said:

My struggle lately is dealing with flaky and/or fake pwd guys. People who talk for a bit and then ghost, or who give an excuse that seems very flimsy instead of being direct. Or people who are pushy but seem suspicious. I feel like it's getting harder to tell who is a fake (pretender, wannabe, BIID type person who is trying to deceive me for their own personal reasons), which is making me come across as paranoid and jaded to the real people. Then when I do let my guard down, oftentimes they flake! It's super frustrating trying to make and maintain real connections with people.

Yeah, you are so true! Even I have been experiencing this lately and I thought is it just me or are guys like this. Too many are just too casual when it comes to forming a relationship. Even I have become jaded and people then ask me why I am like this. But then don't they realize that it is experiences like those which put us off completely.