napoleon
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Post by napoleon on Jan 28, 2018 7:55:08 GMT -5
Hi mona your post recently about the link between fetish, identity, and the choices of stability v. satisfaction was very interesting. I have other fetishes, some very very unusual. Not willing to discuss openly lol don't want to totally put people off and kill the topic here, but I find the area interesting and would be willing to delve into the way I see identity, kink and everything else in private if anyone wishes. It would, I agree, be interesting to compare perspectives.
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napoleon
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Post by napoleon on Jan 28, 2018 7:51:30 GMT -5
a plan for my life? a difficult question. I have a lot going - a solid job, savings and good friends around. If it weren't for the fact that I really don't like my job and it takes basically 12 hours of every weekday, such that my energy for most of the rest of life is fairly limited, I'd be ok. But a plan? No, I try not to think about it to be honest since the prospect of doing this for the next 40 years is depressing. But 80% of blind people are unemployed...so counting blessings and all that...
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napoleon
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Post by napoleon on Jan 13, 2018 16:17:33 GMT -5
hi newjess I totally understand. well said
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napoleon
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Post by napoleon on Jan 13, 2018 15:31:53 GMT -5
Ok all, I’m going to bear my soul a bit here – so this might be somewhat longer than the average. A completely blind friend of mine just got into a relationship with a sighted guy. This girl is capable, a lawyer, attractive and, like me, has been blind from birth. Someone she is close to commented that she should really check this guy out closely – since he really has no need to date a blind girl if he’s attractive, has a good career and is an all-round nice person. That is something that I agree with – rightly or wrongly, disabled people have less…market power than our AB counterparts. And I admit to having a slight bias against sighted women – its not rational and I know that, but it I often wonder why a sighted girl would be interested in me – because, as said above, she really doesn’t have to be. And if she is, maybe she also has diminished market power e.g. she has kids, has a mental disorder or is unattractive – none of these things are bad, by the way, but they do reduce dating marketability, statistically speaking. I am trying to get over that, because as I said, its not rational. Devs help me bridge that gap – I understand that they need/want something I can give. And maybe that, to an extent, compensates for the blindness. It helps me rationalize the thing in my mind a bit more. So, if I had to choose between two girls who were identical save that one was a dev and the other was not, I’d choose that dev. Also, please don’t jump down my throat about the above comments, I’m being honest as the post requested.
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napoleon
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Post by napoleon on Jan 3, 2018 9:55:17 GMT -5
hi. Yes that's quite a good point - but that is why I differentiated between paraphilia and paraphilic disorder. I don't see why the former would be objectionable but fair enough .
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napoleon
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Post by napoleon on Jan 2, 2018 20:18:55 GMT -5
Hi elbs this was so interesting and I have a lot of thoughts about it. Just to begin, I am obviously not a dev, so if I make a generalisation below that a dev doesn't agree with, just let me know. but since this is on the general board I'll dive write in. Firstly I don't agree with your characterisation of a fetish. the DSM of mental disorders defines things like this: "Fetishistic Disorder is a DSM-5 (Diagnostic and Statistical Manual of Mental Disorders, fifth edition), diagnosis assigned to individuals who experience sexual arousal from objects or a specific part of the body which is not typically regarded as erotic. Almost any body part or object can be a Fetish." So the difference is that a fetish cannot relate to a process e.g. a transfer. It could relate to the wheelchair, or the foreshortened legs of the person in question, but cannot relate to the process they carry out. So the article's author uses the word "fetish" in a way which is not medically accurate. The better term would be paraphilia, which is defined thus: "Paraphilia is the experience of intense sexual arousal to atypical objects, situations, fantasies, behaviors, or individuals." Yes, a fetish can be a subset of a paraphilia but does not need to be. The article took umbrage at the fact that, to society, an attraction towards a disabled person is not typical. Even if that were not true (and it is, like it or not) the term "paraphilia" would still apply, because non-sexual situations still trigger arousal in devs. They may not be the same situations, but are there devs that do not find any situation involving disability sexually arousing? That seems impossible to me. So, all devs have a paraphilia, as it is medically classified as such. Matt
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napoleon
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Post by napoleon on Jan 2, 2018 19:59:13 GMT -5
elbs no idea exactly but there are coralations I believe. Equally though, blind kinks manifest differently e.g. I only know of one ABDL. I know of no others with my specific kinks for example. So there is no one uniform explanation, but I definitely believe that when these things are forming, those with less vision find other ways to build those connections in the brain, and they can often be just a bit wrong. Again though, this coralation drops for those with partial vision - its only us totals who get screwed...pun intended, by that.
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napoleon
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Post by napoleon on Dec 29, 2017 17:13:39 GMT -5
I was also going to recommend Jesse Bering's work, which is really fantastic as an exploration of this. I must disagree with the above premise, but it is certainly food for thought. That said, it is possible that a biological explanation for homosexuality does exist, since you'll recall the recent research about the ability of a face-recognition system to determine the sexual orientation of a given person based on facial pattern matching. What I have also found is that those who are born (this is an important distinction) with disabilities are much more likely to be sexually deviant in some way. Among VIs, we say "every blink has their kink". I don't know if there is scientific support for this, but I have noticed it time and time again in those I have come into contact with.
Matt
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napoleon
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Post by napoleon on Dec 24, 2017 21:50:01 GMT -5
to revert to the topic a bit (I lurk on here, sorry guys) but there are a few schools of thought on the question of disclosure on a dating profile. I personally would not disclose, but you are correct that failure to do so opens up the guy to accusations of mendacity. Honestly though, I disagree that disclosure in the profile helps to get rid of all the undesirables at the beginning. To be frank, too many perceptions are ruled by stereotypes these days. It is not out of a sense of malice that a person may not wish to have a relationship with a PWD, but out of lack of knowledge. friends have confessed that before they met me, they thought all blind people were musicians or piano tuners...and they concluded that we mostly didn't/couldn't hold down jobs. Same with cooking, transport, ETC...people have wrongheaded ideas about disability, and that isn't their fault. Also, online dating is a buyer's market, especially for women. Those stereotypes, however erroneous could easily be enough to cause someone to keep on clicking to the next match. So my suggestion would be, don't disclose. A halfway house would be to list disability in the middle of other things. I personally might say, I'm a lawyer, a musician, I speak 4 languages, and I'm blind. I also like politics, ETC ETC ETC...it is not given pride of place at the top of the list, but it is not ignored. You could possibly be accused of hiding it in the fine print but eh...can't win 'em all. That might help if you're not sure.
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napoleon
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Post by napoleon on Dec 24, 2017 21:33:36 GMT -5
I'm 28, blind, and to be honest I don't think I felt young even when I was!
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napoleon
Junior Member
Posts: 89
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Post by napoleon on Aug 12, 2017 15:06:18 GMT -5
Hi all I made a few friends here a few years ago, but it sort of recently occurred to me that I've not been around for a while. Wondering if there are still any blindness devs floating around these parts? Sod normal dating sites..no help there. Anyway, just curiosity. I'm in the UK, a guitarist and lawyer, late 20s, kinky as fuck. Anyone I've not met?
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napoleon
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Posts: 89
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Post by napoleon on Apr 28, 2016 9:09:43 GMT -5
hmm the 21st century version of "can I feel your face" i.e. can I swipe right on your face?
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napoleon
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Post by napoleon on Mar 31, 2016 7:44:38 GMT -5
It always amused me that he was a lawyer also...I have thus been called ddaredevil more than once.
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napoleon
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Post by napoleon on Mar 27, 2016 20:33:04 GMT -5
yep fetlife is awesome
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napoleon
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Posts: 89
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Post by napoleon on Mar 21, 2016 14:50:51 GMT -5
This tallies very well with a lot of VI people I know. I have had two close female friends, who are very attractive, tell me that they actually garner some male interest when they don't have their canes - but nothing when they do. So they often walk or are guided without canes, as they feel it makes them seem more normal to potential prospects.
Me
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